#this is probably my most ambitious piece for me in recent memory

[cacturne]

look at this vulture :)

i said id stop drawing for a bit but i couldnt even last a day. my hands ache to do something and my guys are right there

[jojo-schmo]

A Walk Down my Art Memory Lane!

Now that I’m thinking about my childhood Kirby art, I dug through my storage a bit and thought it’d be fun to share a few! Here are some of Baby Jojo’s drawings!

note: I was not active in any online Kirby art communities at the time and I never posted these anywhere so I made these drawings just for my own enjoyment hehehe.

These are probably among my earliest Kirby drawings. Most likely ~2008!! I must’ve been in fifth grade maybe…? The first picture is a very rare example of pre-2022 Dedede sightings in my art. Around 2010 I became embarrassed and frustrated about not being able to figure his shapes out. So I spent the next 12 years avoiding him at all costs and instead sticking to the safer things to draw, like nice round Bronto Burts or Waddle Dees. Who knew it would take me writing an entire comic about him in 2022 to finally learn to draw him in my style!! :P

The second picture speaks for itself lol. I was the girl who googled “maskless meta knight” back when we had no fancy 3D renderings of his face. Just edits of anime screenshots and fanart of him holding his mask/getting his mask stolen and looking at you with the biggest, pearliest, white eyes. JPEG artifacts littered these images like sprinkles on a cupcake. And I would giggle and squee with every one like the baby fangirl of Meta Knight I was. :3

This one was probably ~2009. Very ambitious piece for me at that age. I struggled with the perfect roundness of Kirby haha. I had just gotten these cool alphabet stencils and couldn’t wait to write “Kirby” everywhere with them. This was probably the complete catalogue of Kirby characters I had the ability to draw at that time. It’s funny to think about how Magolor wouldn’t exist for another two years when I drew this.

Hmm. Maybe I should redraw this one day as a fun honor for my younger self.

Triple Waddle Dees!! A rare but precious Sailor Dee sighting, and of course my sweet Bandana Dee. This was probably around 2011 after Return to Dreamland came out and I came to adore Bandee. :3

This is probably around 2012- some time after Mass Attack came out. I had this AU at the time where each of the 10 Kirbies from Mass Attack had their own personality trait from the original Kirby, and a permanent copy ability assigned to them. Hence the Spark Kirby having wings and a halo like in the game- where you get damaged and have to rescue the poor Angel Kirbies before you lose that life!

Also my Poppy Bro Jr OC that I don’t think I named at the time- but I redrew him recently and named him Allegro the Poppy Bro. I loved drawing his hair and his funny teeth :D

Finally, I redrew just a few of the characters from my old drawings tonight. Just doodling for fun, nothing serious. But it’s something my child self would be happy to know I could do.

Guess I’d better draw all the Dededes that Baby Jojo missed out on drawing!! Thank you to anyone who read to this point. I encourage anyone to draw things that would make their younger, baby self proud of you. ….even though I bet they already are proud of you. <3

Remember, as long as you keep drawing, you’ll improve at your pace! Just keep at it! You’ll notice that difference over the years!

[danielfeketewrites]

DOCTOR WHO TOP 10 - 11th Doctor

My favourite of the New Who Doctors. I started with his era and it changed my life.

10. The World Tree

A recent addition to this Doctor's EU canon, I utterly love this little story. It's another winner of the Paul Spragg Memorial, so you can download it for free on the Big Finish website. I urge you to do so.

9. The God Complex

Having previously written School Reunion and Vampires of Venice, I presume Toby Whithouse's reputation in the Who fandom was something along the lines of "he writes the fun, fluffy ones". The God Complex is his first darker and, well, more complex script. And it really, really works. I have a soft spot for most of his episodes anyway, but The God Complex is probably the most ambitious one. I adore the visceral liminality of that hotel, it's so good. (Also, I choose to ignore that nonsense reveal in The Time of the Doctor.)

8. Apotheosis / The Child of Time

These two basically form a two-parter, so I'm putting them together. Although, for the record, I prefer Apotheosis, contrary to what Jonathan Morris presumes in his commentary at the end of the comic strip collection. Mostly because I love Dan McDaid's art so bloody much, but also because of the atmosphere, setting, clever use of the medium (the stuff with the beard ROCKS), and nuns with guns. But The Child of Time is also pretty great as a big, satisfying finale full of fun twists. I said it before, I'll say it again - Morris is a great chameleon, perfect at writing excellent Doctor Who stories while using voices of other excellent Doctor Who writers. I mean, he admits in the commentary that he wanted to get the strips close to Moffat's style and I think he definitely succeeded.

7. Amy's Choice

It's a shame Simon Nye never wrote any more Doctor Who, because Amy's Choice is a stellar character piece. Toby Jones' Dream Lord is such a memorable presence and the connundrum this episode presents is really fun and unique.

6. Space in Dimension Relative and Time

one best the is it but One Year Doctor's eleventh in one-shot experimental only the not It's. clever really, really it's yet, simple It's. it read go all should you and story timey-wimey unique and fun really a in potential full it's to medium the uses Williams Rob.

5. The Eleventh Hour

The episode that hooked me. The episode that changed my life. I fully believe this is the best episode to show to someone new to Doctor Who.

4. The Rise and Fall / The Other Doctor

A two-parter, with the first part written by Al Ewing and draw by Boo Cook, and the second part written by Rob Williams and drawn by Simon Fraser. I've only read Year One of eleventh Doctor's comics published by Titan, but I strongly feel the story of the Doctor taking on SERVEYOUinc. In a way, the story feels like a conversation not just with Doctor Who's past and present, but also with it's future... It feels like the perfect antidote to Kerblam!.

3. The Day of the Doctor (and The Day of the Doctor)

Listening to Steven Moffat talk about The Day of the Doctor is weird. Everything around the writing and production of the 50th anniversary special seems like hell. And yet, the end result is something that's not just extremely good Doctor Who, it feels like it knows it's good Doctor Who. It looks simple, seems self-assured, appears to know exactly what it's doing. It's a minor miracle. And it's also amazing. Gallifrey falls no more. All thirteen and all that.

Note: This spot is shared between the episode AND the novelisation. I love both of them very much. Go read the novelisation if you haven't read it yet. It's really, really fun.

2. Vincent and the Doctor

Nearly everyone loves this episode and, well, I can't really argue with that. It really is special. I adore it, the greatest celebrity historical the show ever did.

1. The Doctor's Wife

My favourite New Who episode.

So, I am a huge fan of Neil Gaiman. That is probably not a shocking take on this website. My collection of his work currently includes 12 books (1 in Czech translation, the rest in English), 6 comic books (1 in Czech translation, the rest in English), and 1 script book. I love Neil Gaiman.

I love the idea of the Corsair. I actually roleplayed as an incarnation of the Corsair in a game of Cubicle 7's Doctor Who TTRPG at a Red Dwarf convention recently. In front of an audience of like four people.

Hell, I even made a fanart of the Nephew like 6 or 7 year ago. I love the poor Ood and I love the horror aspect of the episode, with TARDIS becoming an abject and unfamiliar place when she gets possessed by the House.

But the reason I love this episode the most out of not just the eleventh Doctor's era but all of the 2005 series is... Well, it's the relationship. The Doctor and his TARDIS. Or, the Thief and his Sexy. It recontextualizes the whole mythology, it recontextualizes the entire series in a way that's so moving and poetic and just... perfect. I love The Doctor's Wife.

[hexfloog]

2021 - 2022 - 2023 - 2024 - 2025

Can you believe there's barely 10 days left to the year?? Because I can't! Time to lay my feelings bare again!!!

So I definitely slowed down quite a bit compared to 2022, but I still made enough to fill the template and, in spite of everything else, lots of life development things happened these last 365 days that I think makes 2023 one of my best years in recent memory :)

I have less to say about the art this time. The drop in quantity checks out when I stop to reflect on just how much time I spent on each one. I definitely don't have as many sketchy works to show off this time either (probably in no small part due to the fact that I've also slowed down on Detco) - and that's probably owed to having spent most of my art effort this year drawing for other people, be it commissions or fan projects, and I already know that I'm more inclined to take risks when I have just myself to please. It's not a bad thing, that's just how it is.

I suppose my one observation of this year's body of work is that the vast majority of it is quite ambitious. Real pushing-my-comfort-zone stuff, but it's more of a polished brand of risk rather than the kind you get sketching ideas on the spot. Some examples:

February - both a collab and a thing that became a fan cel intended as an autograph piece at a con

April - simultaneously a gift and a very personal piece

June - silly comic (anything humorous is automatically out of my comfort zone)

August - community project + comic page redraw that really tested my ability to find a new style to play with

September - made to become tangible merch (it did)

October - redraw of my very first digital piece

November* - character design from text description only and formal reference sheet commission (my first ever)

December* - digital watercolor + fake children's paperback cover

*active WIP, not yet complete

It's not that much (really, it's average output for me) but I will take my wins where I can get them, especially since this is pretty much the scope of my art projects this year. Didn't really have much time or energy to write, or make more models, or scan more cards, because... ya girl was too busy getting a promotion/raise, moving out, enjoying the best con experience of her life (so far), volunteering, meeting lots of new people, dating again, having general fun, eating good food, trying new things, finishing a monthly art challenge for once, playing creative romhacks, waking up to new career opportunities, etc. etc. etc! It feels like so much happened this year!!

I tend to be harsh on myself and often feel like my life is not going anywhere, but this year really made me feel like I'm finally gaining some momentum again. And like... I don't expect (or want) to live life in the fast lane or anything, but stagnating isn't good, either, and with every passing year I have to ask myself with a little more sincerity what my future looks like.

So all that said, thanks very much for sticking around and suffering me another year <333 Who knows what 2024 will bring!! But for the first time in a while, I think I am looking to it with more than just a resigned "meh" and I hope the same for anyone reading this, too.

[loustilldraws]

As this year comes to a close, I can't help but think of my art in the retrospective. I know I've only had this blog up for three (3) months now but I feel like I've already learned a lot about myself, my art, and my plans moving forward.

So in the spirit of the New Year, I figured I'd celebrate some silly little process drafts and highlight some minute details in some of the works I've made this year that I'm especially fond of...

The November 5th DBH piece of the main trio was probably the most ambitious project I've done in recent memory, and the thing keeping me sane, particularly when it came to drawing out all of those background androids in Cyberlife, was seeing the little ways they were all distinct from each other.

For whatever reason, I just really ended up loving this little guy in particular.

Now for some silly little process drafts I took screenshots of back when I was working on the second I Robot x DBH piece. I'm sure they're only funny to me personally, but eyebrowless Connor and squinting Hank just... happened while I was outlining, and they brought me joy along the way.

Back to the small details. This little dragon I drew for my first piece of Ninjago fanart here was such a subtle, simple thing, but ended up being one of the most fun details I've drawn in a while.

I used to be really harsh with myself about the art I made, to the point where I wasn't enjoying making anything anymore. I had to take a years-long hiatus from anything artwise, big and small, just to have the time I needed to reflect and put things into perspective.

This blog is partly a way to share my appreciation for the fandoms and old art projects I've loved, AND partly an exercise in rebuilding my own love for the art that I make and rediscovering the joy of learning and improving along the way.

That's it for the recap portion...

As mentioned in my last update, I plan on getting back to a steadier art schedule in the New Year, and I've got a lot of art ideas piled up in my backlog waiting for me until then.

Sorry this was such a long and self-indulgent rambling mess. I hope everyone has a safe and joyous New Year, and I will see you again in 2025!

[nillegible]

the JGY amnesia Fic

[AN: Someday I will come up with decent titles for my fics... but not now XD I hope you like this fic, the premise is that the issue with XY and NMJ happens before JZX’s death, and so the argument and the stairs moves up in the timeline! And JGY hits his head and gets TV-show amnesia, and remembers no one, not even himself, but is otherwise his sharp, suspicious self...]

He wakes up sure that he is dying, nothing else could hurt so sharp, agonizing pain radiating out from the back of his head, stabbing sharply every time he is swung, and he forces his eyes open. The light burns, but he can make out an earth green and brown collar, and a strong jawline. He is being carried by this man.

He doesn’t know who this is, but he feels… safe. Even though every step this man takes makes his eyes water.

He blacks out.

*

His name is Jin Guangyao. It rolls smoothly off his tongue, but sits wrongly in his mind. “Temporary amnesia,” the doctor had informed him, when Jin Guangyao could not tell him the answers to any pf his questions; not his name, or the date, or where they were.

A fancy young master in white-and-gold robes, who introduces himself as Jin Zixuan, is the one who sits by his side and tells Jin Guangyao the basics of his life. There is such an obvious lack of detail that it leaves him intrigued. And Jin Zixuan looks ashamed when Jin Guangyao asked if he was Jin Zixuan’s uncle. “No, I’m your older brother,” he says. “We… we share a birthday, but you’re a day younger.”

Jin Guangyao watches him for a moment, and wonders at the source of his brother’s shame. “I’m a bastard, aren’t I?” he asks.

“My father legitimized you!” Jin Zixuan protests. “You’re my brother.”

Jin Guangyao smiles at him. This man is clearly naïve, but has no ill-intent. The man who had named Jin Guangyao Jin Guangyao, however? He is yet to ascertain that.

*

Jin Guangyao’s memory doesn’t return within the first week. With his head injury healed, though, he’s allowed to leave the infirmary which allows him to collect a lot more useful data.

There is a lot of work piled up in his room. Disorganized, as if someone had gone through it to take the important paperwork to work on while he is <infirm>. That he was assigned so much work that was non-essential makes him wonder if he was actually pretty low on the social ladder, here. He goes through all of them anyway, most of it is useful information, painting a picture of Jin sect’s activities, and the sorts of projects that they allow to drag on for weeks. Jin Guangyao has left meticulous notes in a separate notebook about how to put everything into a more sensible order. That such reworking was required

His accessories, or lack-there-of, are even more enlightening. There’s also a scholarly-sort of hat, and only a few cheap hair ribbons. Nothing at all like the intricate jade hairpins or crowns with intricate metalwork and precious stones that Jin Zixuan and Jin Zixun wore daily.

Jin Guangyao’s place here is… obvious.

He wonders who the man who had picked him up after his injury, was. No one tells him, not even Jin Zixuan, he just pats Jin Guangyao’s hand and says, “Don’t worry, you’re safe now.” The implications of that are obvious, of course, that the stranger was the one who had hurt him. And yet it’s a subject no one speaks of, of how Jin Guangyao had fallen down the thousand steps of Koi Tower, and he hadn’t asked after the first two times. He stays wary, watching everyone. Someone had tried to kill him, and he doesn’t even remember which of his acquaintances might want him dead.

*

Lan Xichen arrives two days after his release from the infirmary, Lan-Zongzhu, according to everyone else. He’s beautiful, the most beautiful person that Jin Guangyao has ever seen. Since he remembers all of a week, this doesn’t sound like a compliment, but Jin Guangyao could probably search for decades and not find anyone more beautiful. It would not be fair.

They have tea together, after Lan Xichen – “Call me er-ge, you are my sworn brother, A-Yao,” – has checked him over worriedly, and checked his meridians, and pressed his fingertips gently to the back of Jin Guangyao’s head, to where his head injury had been, and ascertained that he truly is well.

“They did not tell me you were injured,” he says. “Da-ge had to, and this is the week of new students for the summer lectures, I could not leave. Jin Zixuan promised me you were well, though,” he says. Sincerity shines through him, and Jin Guangyao wonders what on earth he, an unwelcome child in his own family, could have done to make this man care for him.

So he asks.

Lan Xichen describes a heroic young man, who gave him shelter when he needed it most, who had smiled and laughed at him, and helped him with chores he could not do, and gave him the strength to fight a war. Lan Xichen tells him that this kind young man had gone into a war that did not affect him, only to help, that he had turned spy against a raging mad man, and finally taken off his head.

“So that is why my father took me in,” says Jin Guangyao. There’s a flicker of pain on Lan Xichen’s face as Jin Guangyao tells him what he’s surmised about how he’s treated here. “Did you know?” asks Jin Guangyao.

“I suspected,” Lan Xichen says softly. “But you were too proud to tell me. You insisted you were happy here. I visited when I could, but I never… I’m so sorry.”

Jin Guangyao reaches out to pat Lan Xichen’s hand, it feels so familiar, even if Jin Guangyao can’t remember doing it before. He must have, Lan Xichen’s sad face cannot be borne. “I’m sure I didn’t want to bother you, er-ge. You’re overworking yourself even now.” The signs are there, even behind his flawless composure. “You look so tired.”

“I had to come,” says Lan Xichen. “I was so scared that you…” He trails off, then turns his hand, holding onto him tightly. “If you don’t remember your place at Koi tower, do you want to return with me until your memory recovers? We’re still reconstructing, but Cloud Rececsses is still an excellent place to ”

“This Jin Guangyao is honoured, but what if it doesn’t?” asks Jin Guangyao practically. “I can’t just leave my home like that.” More quietly, he adds, “There must have been some reason I didn’t leave before.”

“You never said, exactly, but I believe it was because of your mother,” says Lan Xichen. “She wished that you would gain your father’s recognition, and a place at Koi Tower.”

“Do you know anything about her?” Jin Guangyao is not an idiot, he knows from the snide remarks, the way that people try not to touch him that he is of low birth, that his mother’s occupation was. That. He wonders if Lan Xichen will lie to him.

“She was an educated woman,” he says. “A renowned beauty. You’ve told me that you take after her, in many ways. She was skilled in the arts. She never taught you art but she was your master in calligraphy and music. She loved you very much and wanted you to have a good education because she knew… she knew that A-Yao is so incredibly smart and destined for greater things.” He squeezes Jin Guangyao’s hand. “Her life was not easy. She suffered, but she loved you. She would be proud of you, to know how much you achieved.”

It should matter, it does matter, Jin Guangyao’s heart squeezes, but it is from sympathy for what Lan Xichen is feeling. The dark honey-gold eyes are bright with tears. Clearly Jin Guangyao had loved her very much, before. But Jin Guangyao cannot find in him any love for a woman that Jin Guangyao cannot imagine. A woman with his face, a prostitute, but educated, talented. And ambitious to have Jin Guangshan’s son.

“My father did not take her in, I gather?”

“He did not. She died of illness shortly before I met you.”

“Thank you for telling me,” says Jin Guangyao.

*

Lan Xichen stays an entire afternoon, and readies himself to leave at dusk. Jin Guangyao accompanies him to the sky-pavilion on Koi Tower that the Jin disciples use to take off from.

There’s a last nagging question that Jin Guangyao hadn’t managed to slide into the conversation, as it meandered into cultivation theory and Jin Guangyao and Lan Xichen had tried to piece out some kind of pattern in what kinds of cultivation knowledge he had retained, and what he had forgotten. It had been an interesting exercise.

“Er-ge, before you go,” says Jin Guangyao. He looks around cautiously, but no one is near enough to overhear. “You’re older than Jin Zixuan, aren’t you?” he asks, and Lan Xichen nods. “So our da-ge… you never said. Is he… did he die during the war?”

“No!” cries Lan Xichen. “A-Yao no, he’s not. He’s fine, he just could not find time to visit.”

Lie.

It’s the first time Lan Xichen has lied to him today, but Jin Guangyao is certain of it.

“No one talks about him, and I couldn’t find any letters from him. I did find a few of yours. No one even says his name. Who is he?”

“Nie Mingjue,” says Lan Xichen, sounding defeated. “Of course you would think to ask, but his name is Nie Mingjue.”

Everything falls into place. Jin Guangyao has seen some Nie disciple couriers on their way to private meetings with his father and the Jin council of elders. Hard faced and angry looking, they kept to themselves and departed the moment they could, without staying for a meal or entertainment.

“You think he pushed me down the stairs,” says Jin Guangyao.

“No,” says Lan Xichen. “We know he did. He kicked you down the stairs. He–”

“And you believe that?” asks Jin Guangyao.

“Of course I do,” says Lan Xichen. “Da-ge was the one who told me. I knew that things were difficult between the two of you, recently, but I had not imagined… It does not matter, we are looking through the records now, so that you can be free of your vows to him, and even if we can’t find something, he won’t visit Koi Tower again, Jin-zongzhu has forbidden it.”

“Oh,” says Jin Guangyao, mind whirring. ���Okay then.”

“Is A-Yao afraid we’re covering something up?” asks Lan Xichen. Jin Guangyao is not sure what gave it away, he thought he’d kept his face smooth.

“Naturally I trust er-ge,” he says, smiling up at him. “I just remember him, vaguely. He picked me up. He saved me.”

It’s Jin Guangyao’s first memory, pained and fragmented though it is.

“He did take you up to the infirmary right after,” Lan Xichen agrees. He looks faintly puzzled, like he’s not sure why that matters to Jin Guangyao.

“I understand,” says Jin Guangyao. “Nie-zongzhu would of course regret his action after his moment of anger.”

“He does,” Lan Xichen assures him. “You should write to him, if you are willing to accept his apologies, but Da-ge is terribly sorry.”

“Thank you er-ge, I will,” Jin Guangyao promises. The relief on Lan Xichen’s face is too pure for this world.

He waves goodbye after Lan Xichen takes off, and steps back into the maze of Koi Tower, mulling over all the new knowledge that Lan Xichen had brought with him. He was right, he should write to Nie Mingjue.

But after some more research.

What could they have possibly quarrelled about so badly?

Jin Guangyao makes his way back to his rooms, keeping his face expressionless at the gilded opulence and overt unfriendliness of his home. He doesn’t understand his past self at all.

Why does he still live here, where he’s so clearly unwanted?

Why did he even care for the acknowledgement of Jin Guangshan, who from even just Jin Guangyao’s few interactions this week and the gossip he’s picked up, is a selfish, disgusting pervert who wouldn’t spit on Jin Guangyao if he was on fire.

Just because his mother wanted him to?

She was a good woman, he hears again, in Lan Xichen’s sincere voice. But Jin Guangyao doesn’t get it. She had to have been a fool, to believe in Jin Guangshan, or terribly cold and cruel to send him to Jin Guangshan knowing exactly what kind of derision would await him here. He is a war hero, and yet he’s treated like a servant.

Jin Guangyao is in the mood to be charitable, so he picks the former.

He still doesn’t know why he stayed.

[You can now read part 2 here!]

[canary3d-obsessed]

Restless Rewatch: The Untamed, Episode 23, second part

(Masterpost) (Other Canary Stuff)

Warning: Spoilers for All 50 Episodes!

Nature Abhors a (Power) Vacuum

Jin Guangshan, Nie Mingjue, and Lan Xichen have gathered to decide what to do about the remaining Wen people and also what to do about the Yin metal. They have not invited Jiang Cheng to this discussion, or blowhard Clan Leader Yao, despite those clans having been hit particularly hard by the Wens in the course of the war. 

The three of them have a conversation about what to do with the Wen captives, showing their different attitudes towards killing.

Jin Guangshan: Killing is awesome, particularly in project management. It's just so efficient. Nie Mingjue: Killing is necessary, and a little bit fun, too. Lan Xichen: Killing is necessary, sadly, but we can randomly spare some women or old people, as a token sign that we’re not monsters. Kind of like when you have a fancy dinner and include a tofu dish for the vegetarians. Nie Mingjue: Nobody likes tofu, Xichen.

Jin Guangshan says he's looking for the Yin Iron and that they can't let any Wens or "ambitious people" get a hold of it. By ambitious people he means Wei Wuxian, not himself and his murder kid. Lan Xichen realizes this right away but doesn't, you know, do anything to contradict him.  Jin Guangshan says he's asked "A-Yao" to look into it. Which is smart, because A-Yao is already in cahoots with Xue Yang, who actually has the piece of Yin Iron they're looking for.

Getting Jiggy With It

Then Jin Guangshan introduces Meng Yao, now renamed Jin Guangyao, in a weird twist on generation names. He has given him the name of a sibling or cousin of his own generation (starting with Guang), rather than a name of the next generation (starting with Zi). JGS says that JGY just recently learned about about being related to him, although we know perfectly well that's not true. 

And they both talk like he appreciates JGY's efficiency and helpfulness, but that's not why JGS has him at his side. He has taken him in because he is a steel-eyed murder bot, not in spite of it. 

(OP does not believe that Jin Guangyao could have been a good person if only his dad had let him hold Jin Ling that one time, as some have argued. Dude killed his own child because there was a chance he might be disabled in a way that could lead to gossip. Dude is a stone cold killer.)

(more after the cut)

In the language of CDrama costume (which is not, precisely, the language of actual historical clothing), Jin Guangyao has chosen to dress as a minister instead of as a chevalier. This is partly an artifact of his mother's ideas about a gentleman. It also suggests that he’s content with the sort of career that's available to a bastard of a noble house--not inheriting the noble title, but having enough favor to rise in power. 

It may also be a ruse to make him seem like he's not a strong cultivator and not a strong fighter, when in fact he is both, at least by the time he’s throwing death chords at Jiang Cheng, much later in the show. 

Mingjue makes all kinds of grumpy faces and snarky remarks to let everyone know that he fucking hates Jin Guangyao.  Xichen agrees to his “nice refugee camp with only a little death” plan, with no qualifications.

Now we get to see Jin Guangyao's manipulation of Lan Xichen. Lan Xichen says that Nie Mingjue wants a plan that’s more killy, because he believes in punishing evil. JGY deliberately misunderstands this, pretending that Lan Xichen said he, JGY, is evil, kind of forcing LXC to reassure him and take his side in an argument that isn’t actually happening. 

They have a little handholding while bowing, and then after Lan Xichen leaves, Jin Guangyao puts on his evil face and has all the prisoners killed behind the big closed door.  

This is done in such a violent fashion that the blood apparently flows up several stairs to the door, and over the tall raised threshold, before flowing downward toward the camera. Some evil is so extreme that even traditional Chinese doorway architecture can’t stop it.

Run To the Rock

Then we go outside to where Wei Wuxian is standing on a rocky outcropping, thinking it would be a good strategic spot to choose if he's ever in a battle where he wants to commit suicide right quick.

Lan Wangji comes to join him and admire the view, not knowing yet that this view, or one a whole lot like it, is going to be seared into his memory for most of his life.

Lan Wangji is becoming more and more committed to Wei Wuxian, more and more inexorably joined to him, but he still doesn't agree with him. So they each have this comfort in each others' presence at the same time as being massively in conflict.

Wei Wuxian asks him what he thinks of all the politicking and murdering. Who is good and who is evil? LWJ doesn't answer because WWX is leaking black smoke, so he grabs him and tells him to concentrate.  Lan Wangji is, incidentally, wearing Princess-Leia quantities of lip gloss.

Lan Wangji asks if Wei Wuxian would like to learn a new tune, "Absterge" according to Netflix. The fuck? [op looks it up in the dictionary]. "To cleanse, especially by wiping." Also known as aftercare. Netflix. Honey. This word is MIDDLE FRENCH. Will you knock it the fuck off?

So anyway, instead of answering his question about who is good and who is evil, LWJ asks if he wants to learn a song called "Cleansing." Wei Wuxian says “hey babe, are you fucking kidding me?” 

His actual words are "you doubt me too?" meaning "you think I also took the missing 4th chunk of Yin iron to make my ugly tiger amulet, rather than obviously having used that giant sword I pulled out of the turtle?"  

Lan Wangji mentally replays Wen Ruohan's questions in his head--the questions he barked at Wei Wuxian right before choking him unconscious--which Lan Wangji also feels entitled to know the answers to. Fuck you, Lan Wangji. He answers WWX with "when did you forge your amulet?" Which is his way of saying "yes, I doubt you."

Wei Wuxian kindly refrains from saying "while we were on a break, bitch" and instead tells him the exact truth--I found a yin iron sword in the turtle--but says it in his patented "make it sound like a lie" way. 

LWJ keeps grilling him, eventually coming out and saying dude, you knew the sword was Yin iron, why did you need to use it?

This is the crucial question--why WWX broke his first promise, to Lan Yi, which was to try to get rid of the Yin Iron. He won’t tell anyone the answer, which is that he needs to use it because he can't cultivate normally, because he lost his golden core. He made a lot of promises before that happened, and he probably expected to keep them. But without his core, everything changed; without his core, he’s a different person, so it’s maybe not fair to expect him to honor his previous promises. 

I’m reminded of my grandfather, who was the oldest son of an old southern US family, with lots of expectations as the firstborn. He went off to WWI as a soldier, expecting to die. He didn’t die, and so from that point on, he regarded his life as a gift. He felt could do whatever he wanted with it, and let go of expectations from before the war. He moved to Paris and took up with a glamorous divorcee 7 years older than him (my Grandma, eventually). 

The actual point of that story, other than OP having cool grandparents, is that when you think you’re going to die, and then you don’t die, your ideas about what you owe to people can change quite a bit. Wei Wuxian expected to die in the Burial Mounds; he expected to die at Nightless City; he expects it, over and over, and each time he doesn’t die, he gets further and further from being what everyone else wants him to be. And--a lot like soldiers returning from a war-- NOBODY in his life knows how to talk to him about it. 

Wei Wuxian tells Lan Wangji to back off, Lan Wangji says why aren't you letting me help you, and they are once again on the edge of the same fight they keep having. Lan Wangji does some impassioned arm holding while Wei Wuxian says he's not like Wen Ruohan. 

Romantic Duet #1

The argument is interrupted by screams and killing, so they go to check it out, and find the Jins hunting down some prisoners for sport. They arrive in time to save two people. Yay?

Jin ZIxun acts like a jerk, as always. The new element is that per Jin Guangshan, anyone concerned with Yin Iron shouldn't be alive.  He says that the Lan and Nie clans agreed, and challenges Wei Wuxian. Lan Wangji stops him from responding, grabbing his wrist.

The Jins leave and Wei Wuxian refers back to their earlier conversation, saying there will be more resentful spirits now and that "Rest" is the music to play, not "Cleansing."

He gives Lan Wangji a long look and then pointedly removes Lan Wangji’s hand from his wrist, by holding his hand, which is some next-level mixed signaling. Lan Wangji totally deserves it at this point, though. He keeps pushing and pushing WWX about his cultivation method, but he refuses to discuss the underlying morality of it, or the morality of the killing going on right in front of them. 

WWX walks off, leaving LWJ to stew in his own juices surrounded by a bunch of fresh corpses. 

Lan Wangji fails his saving throw against the guilt trip, and sits his ass down to play Rest, just like Wei Ying told him to. So switchy!  Wei Wuxian, out of sight but not out of earshot, hears him and accompanies him on Chenqing.

This scene is slightly ridiculous and a whole lot sublime. Ridiculous because it's their first time playing music together, so it's a super slow, romantic, extended scene, but they're surrounded by corpses. And not the helpful, friendly, third-wheel-on-a-date type of corpses.

It's sublime because the occasion of their first beautiful, literally magical duet is an argument. And they are joining together to play beautiful romantic music - as a service for the dead. And they are doing it while they are on literally opposite sides of a literal killing field. And Lan Wangji is sitting literally in the middle of a wide open road; the sort of road that they will both reject, metaphorically, later in the show. There is so much about their conflict and their journey that is encapsulated in this one musical moment.

Lan Wangji, by playing the song Wei Wuxian said was needed, is telling WWX that he took his words to heart, that he is listening, even though they're at odds.

WWX, by stopping and playing with him, is acknowledging this. And by settling the dead souls together, they are both reinforcing their dedication to doing what's right even as they both struggle with knowing what that is.

When Other Friendships Have Been Forgot, Ours Will Still Be Hot

Now we have the sworn brothers thing. I understand, plot wise, why this has to happen, but why would Nie Mingjue ever agree to this? Lan Xichen's puppy eyes are just that persuasive?

If they ever crack your spine, drop a line If they ever cut your throat, write a note If you’re ever in a mill and get sawed in half, I won’t laugh (HA HA HA HA)

Tedious Party Time

Now there's a cultivation party, which is about as excruciating to watch as it would be to attend.

Everyone is lining up to praise Jin Guangshan. To be fair, he did provide shelter for most of the smaller clans while the war was going on. So being grateful is appropriate, but Clan Leader Yao practically breaks his own neck kissing Jin ass. Yao says JGY’s contribution was the greatest of the war, adding, "fuck Wei Wuxian; everything is his fault."

The Jiangs show up wearing mourning belts that show off their itty bitty waists, and Jin Guangshan makes shifty eyes like a cartoon landlord when he sees them arrive.

JGS praises Jiang Cheng, and asks when his fancy clan-leader ceremony is going to happen. Jiang Cheng says he's still in mourning so it's not appropriate. JGS is like “Oh...yeah," as if he totally forgot about all the Yunmeng slaughter, and talks up his friendship with Jiang Fengmian. He acts comforting while WWX manages not to barf.

Then the Lan clan shows up and there is nice encouraging chit chat between LXC and JC...

...and just, SO MUCH mournful staring between Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian.

Then the Nies arrive.  Jin Guangshan tells Nie Mingjue he's late, and that everyone's waiting for him. That might be true in the script but it’s clearly bullshit on the screen, where the Lans and the Jiangs are still milling around looking for the coat room.

Nie Mingjue--who, let's remember, JUST swore to be brothers with Jin Guangyao--looks at him like he's something that fell off a garbage truck.  Lan Xichen jumps in to maximize the discomfort by pointing out that Jin Guangyao should address Nie Mingjue as Big Daddy Da-ge from now on.

Then the Jins offer Nie Mingjue the giant fire throne because...he's the leader of the Sunshot campaign, I guess? Of course it's all a manipulation tactic, designed to make him say he won't sit there, so that JGS can elevate himself to head cultivator, or something? And sit in front of the throne but not on it? Cultivator succession seems kinda arbitrary. 

I swear to god, it wasn't until I was clipping this episode that I realized Wen Ruohan had two thrones and they're in different rooms from each other.

Finally everyone goes to sit down, but because there hasn't been enough fucking awkwardness, JGY stops WWX to ask him what's on his mind. WWX asks him why he's not carrying his sword, which made me laugh and laugh. Wei Wuxian must have been just waiting for a chance to ask someone else that question for a change. 

Jin Guangyao says he threw it away, because it was just a random sword, but he really means he had it made into a sneaky murder belt, that he will be using again in 13 to 16 years. They both fake-laugh and trade Mean Girls insults pretend to like each other. 

Everyone wanders around toasting each other. Lan Wangji goes to find Wei Wuxian, after first making sure that his hair looks good.  

Wei Wuxian is lying around on the steps, sprawling and drinking wine, and not, incidentally, looking for Lan Wangji. He continues to not seek him out and Lan Wangji continues to chase after him.

Wei Wuxian says "how about playing Cleansing?" but Lan Wangji says he's learning a new score. It looks like it's going to be another argument, but then Wei Wuxian smiles and kind of praises Lan Wangji for being stubborn. 

Awkward Marriage Proposal

Just then everyone inside starts cheering for Jin Guangshan to give a speech. Jin Guangshan is making a move to marry Jiang Yanli to his son, which is a big time power grab, given that the Jiang Clan is 1. vulnerable and depleted 2. has control of the Yin tiger amulet.

We get a very rare glimpse into Jiang Cheng’s inner mind, where he thinks that saying yes isn’t a great idea, but isn’t sure what to do. This marriage would make his sister happy, but could destroy the Jiang Clan's independence.

Fortunately, Wei Wuxian joins the party just in time to fuck up Jin Guanshan’s plans. Will this teach Jin Guangshan not to invite Wei Wuxian to parties? It will not.  

Soundtrack: Friendship, by Cole Porter (from “Anything Goes”)

Bonus:

[young-dumb-and-vaccinated]

Cult Girl: Doctorate (Hannibal x Female!Reader) pt. 2

Oils

Cult girl socializes at the opera and receives an unexpected call. 

Note: I tagged this as “anti mlm” as in multi-level marketing and not men-loving-men. 

Trigger warnings: Discussions of cults and emotional manipulation

It wasn't until after the opera was over that people began to notice you may have had a little fun during intermission. Hannibal's hair wasn't in its usual perfect side part and his jacket was slightly wrinkled in places. You could cover most of his love bites with your stole, but nothing could hide that post-orgasm glow.

Most opera-goers stayed to socialize for hours after the show concluded, making an already long night even longer. It was like clubbing, but for rich old people.

"So you're the future Mrs. Hannibal Lecter?" A woman with silvery hair said. She dragged her husband into the conversation by the arm. "I've heard so much about you."

You were about to say something witty, but noticed the way she was looking at you. Scanning you up and down. Looking for anything out of place to grill you about.

"Only good things, I hope." Hannibal said in your silence. His voice was vaguely threatening. "She is a doctoral student, in her second year of her graduate studies in clinical psychology."

The husband, who, up to this point, hadn't spoken a word, perked up. "Is that right?"

You smiled, excited for the chance to talk about your passion. "Yes sir. I've still got quite a ways to go, but I love my work."

"You should be proud." The man praised, looking at Hannibal. "You've got yourself an ambitious wife."

"Oh, we're not married yet." You corrected.

"So when can we expect an invitation?" The woman asked.

"Six months from now, isn't it?" Hannibal answered. "Memorial day weekend. Then I'm taking her to Italy for a lengthy honeymoon."

The woman threw her head back and sighed. "That sounds heavenly."

"You young modern girls are always so intuitive." The man commented. "I'll bet you tricked him into marrying you."

You wanted to call this guy out for his sexist bullshit, but he wasn't far off. It was Hannibal who tricked you, though.

Technically, he proposed to you within the first six months. You just didn't know it. It took until shockingly recently to find out.

It was during a ballroom dancing lesson of all places. You were sweaty, but loved the feeling of your lover's hands gently guiding your movements. You stepped away from the lesson to get some water, and innocently asked when he would propose to you.

"I believe I already did." He said with enough conviction to blur the lines of seriousness and sarcasm.

"You pretended to." You corrected. "Remember? We were just pretending to be engaged for Anna's wedding."

"But it didn't end after the wedding, did it?" He observed. "You kept calling me your fiancé long after that weekend passed."

You paused, then threw your head back in exasperation. "Oh my god, Hannibal."

Hannibal laughed. "I told you. Someday it won't be a lie."

"You're a piece of shit, you know that?" You pressed your fingers to your temples. "So we've been engaged this whole time?"

"What can I say?" He said, gently. "I knew you were my one and only even then. It was just a matter of circumventing your inhibitions."

"I'm not complaining." You folded your arms. "But a little notice would have been nice."

"Well, if you insist." He laced his fingers between his own. "[F/N] [L/N]. Will you be my wife?"

Even though the question was truly just a formality, you were still as giddy as a schoolgirl to hear those words.

"Yes, Hannibal Lecter." You said, cheeks stinging from smiling so hard. "I will marry you."

Then you just went back to the dance lesson like nothing happened. It was shockingly in-character for both of you.

"No." You shook your head. "We killed someone together and took a blood oath to never separate."

The couple laughed. Hannibal looked down at you with pride.

“So [F/N].” The man said. “Have you given any thought to your doctoral dissertation?” 

“Oh, Charles.” The woman rolled her eyes. “I’m sure she didn’t come here to be grilled about her studies.” 

“No, it’s okay.” You smiled. As long as you were talking about school, you weren’t being interrogated about the thirty-year age gap between you and Hannibal. “I have been thinking about my dissertation. There are plenty of fascinating topics to choose from, but I can’t not write it about, well, the reason I began to study psychology in the first place.” 

“And that is?” The man raised an eyebrow.

“Cults.” You said, grinning ear to ear. “Understanding them, their leaders, their followers, why people join them. How they evolve and grow more insidious as time passes. What form they’re starting to take in the digital age.” 

“That is interesting.” The woman’s voice rose, connoting genuine engagement. “And what form are they taking in the digital age?” 

You looked up at Hannibal, as if to ask for permission. Permission to rip into her and burn that bridge for good. He answered in the affirmative. 

“Ma’am, could I take a look at your bracelet?” You asked, already knowing exactly what she would say. 

Her face lit up. “Oh, do you like it?”

She pulled it off her wrist and handed it to you. You brought it to your nose and took a whiff, confirming your theory. Then you handed it off to Hannibal, whose sense of smell was much more refined. He took one breath, then recoiled. 

Hannibal covered his mouth and nose with his hand and coughed. “That is... quite strong, Mrs. DeMarco.” 

“It’s Affirm, by doTERRA.” She revealed, her voice growing defensive. “It helps you ground yourself and remember your worth.” 

You handed the bracelet back to her. “Do you sell doTERRA, Mrs. DeMarco?” 

“Well, now that you mention it...” A small smile appeared on her lips. “Why? Would you like to buy some?” 

“I hate to be the one to tell you this, ma’am, but...” You lied. “You’re actually in a cult.” 

She had nothing to say to that. She just stared at you with her mouth agape, urging you to explain yourself. 

“Multilevel marketing companies employ a host of cult manipulation tactics to con people out of their savings.” You explained. “Just because the promise is financial independence instead of a spot in paradise, doesn’t mean it’s not a lie. Research conducted by the Federal Trade Commission shows that the vast majority of participants actually lose money. The statistics are just a google search away, yet thousands of people still insist on the legitimacy of the companies they sell for.” 

“Well, I-” She protested, but couldn’t find the words to defend herself. “I’m there for the community, really. For the first time in years, I have a sisterhood of like-minded women who love me!” 

You smiled through a cringe. “That’s another pretty common cult manipulation tactic. They appropriate familial language to make people feel more connected to the group than they really should be.” 

Although you didn’t expect her to, she looked to be genuinely considering it. 

“Next time you see your ‘sisters’,” You began. “Pay attention to how they talk about people who are not in the group. Or, better yet, tell them that you’re considering leaving. You’ll see how conditional their love is.” 

An awkward, deafening silence followed. The woman looked at her husband, as if willing him to do something. To stand up to the evil twenty-something grad student who had the audacity to cite her sources. 

Instead, the husband just burst out in riotous laughter. 

“Miriam!” He nearly shouted, heaving like he was about to collapse. “I told you that oil business was up to no good! No honest company makes their employees pay to work!” 

The woman’s face turned red. You almost felt bad for her. The feeling vanished when the man put his hand on your shoulder. 

“Seriously, Dr. Lecter, you’d better keep this one.” He said, wiping a tear from his eye. “She’s an absolute godsend.” 

“No divine intervention was involved whatsoever, Dr. DeMarco.” Hannibal smiled to himself and brought a glass of champagne to his lips. “She is a woman of her own making."

"Oh, we all know that's not entirely true." The woman snapped, slipping into passive-aggression. She glanced at Hannibal. "How much are you spending on this mouthy little know-it-all? Isn't it about $80k a year?"

You, of course, brought this on yourself. You threw down the gauntlet by going after this girlboss's side hustle, so now nothing was off-limits.

"I wouldn't worry about that, Mrs. DeMarco." Hannibal said, calmly. "My soon-to-be wife's education is a much better investment than that overpriced napalm you wear on your wrist."

You couldn't help but laugh at that. It was a laugh you shared with the man. Hannibal looked down at you, admiring how your face lit up.

"You'll forgive my wife's rudeness." The man requested. "Please, Ms. [F/N], tell me more about your dissertation."

"Well," you laced your fingers together. "I'm planning to write my dissertation on the cult of academic elitism."

"I would tread lightly, dear." The woman warned, eyes darting to Hannibal. "You wouldn't want to bite the hand that feeds you."

You adjusted your stole, giving them a quick glance at the love bites along your neck.

"I assure you." You said. "He quite likes it when I bite."

Your clutch started to aggressively, audibly vibrate. You could have sworn you'd put your phone on silent, but it buzzed nonetheless.

"Probably just, y'know-" you stuttered, embarrassed. "An amber alert or something."

"We are expecting a snowstorm, I believe. I was warned of it a few minutes ago." Hannibal said, always ready to cover your ass whenever needed. The couple nodded along in understanding.

You pulled your phone from your clutch. Your eyes widened and your face turned sickly pale at the sight of a caller you thought you’d never hear from again. Without thinking, you slid the deny icon across the screen. 

“Right.” You said, tucking your phone and your secrets back into the clutch. “Winter Storm... Theresa is headed this way.” 

Hannibal cleared his throat. “In that case, [F/N] and I must take our leave before we get snowed in. It was very nice catching up with you. I will see to it that [F/N] and I have you for dinner very soon.” 

[captainkurosolaire]

I challenge you to pick five Tumblrs in your social circle and tell them something you admire about their blog!

Only 5? I could probably do 500. However, that's determined by what's considered my social circle. I'm often in my head being incredibly social continuously is really a challenge of mine. I'm always actively marching to something, my flame of passion when I have it, I can do some crazy stuff but it diminishes relatively quickly, so I try to cling. But I'll up your thing and list 25 of my fave people. Ask me this same thing in a Month, I'll keep doing 25, until I do all the people. How about that? (If anyone wants to be taken off mention let me know.)

@eligos-venator

- Has one of the most intelligent and sophisticated minds, I've had the pleasure to know. Literally admire all his aesthetics, work, head-cannons, ideas. It's only a benefit that the dude shares some OC characteristics to my own (Winning features). I really enjoyed the short-thread we did. It was incomplete, mainly because of my faults. I want to actually be better to give him a proper delivery and RP worth his time, but he's incredibly worth the investment of eyes.

@mischiefandmystics

- If there was a Mount Rushmoore of writers who kept me in this endeavor, encouraged me. Sun'ra is one of them. His characterization skills, writing, the delivery and how believable his character is, they're masterful acts.

@mishivymendi

- I wouldn't be nearly tamed or as creatively freed if it wasn't for this gem. She broke my shell, I really didn't at a time ever see myself being anything really beyond a smut writer, but Mishi not only saw potential in me, but brought it out. Her stories and world's she brings to life are so majestically colorful.

@asymphonyofash

- My go-to. He's another pillar individual who saw things in me past just the obvious perception, (Probably second longest XIV RPer I know.) Taught me a lot of the lore, I shot him up and he's sort of become my stapled rock. He's right aside Sun'ra met them about the same, both took me under their wing's as I quietly observed and absorbed.

@lavender-hemlock

- We're always up and front with each other, never feeling like I couldn't say anything around, extremely rare to share that these days. Her gif's are legendary, something on my own terms I want to soar in quality. The writing she does is astounding. Character has so many mysterious pages that are quite addictive to want to explore and learn them. (Encore 20 below-cut)

@under-the-blood-moonlight - Her sweetness and artwork and overall is just a friendly presence to be around. I cherish them so much. One I can jive with more darker undertones with. She's one the most hardworking and ambitiously creative people. I'd mail them infinite hugs if could. Thanks for being you! @roxinova - I owe a lot of credit to her. She's constantly OOC and everything was nudging me too be more inclusive to things and involved heavenly. It's rare for me. I'm really horrible about that my autism sets me back socially, I constantly will be drowned by the next day and be reverted back to better off alone, that's my major crux and weakness. But her thoughtfulness, these things, aren't ever foreign to me, I do pay attention probably better than any would ever give me credit. She's a beacon model to have as a friend. @corpse-dancer - Haven't ran into many words with them, but her character, screenshot game, expressiveness, they're all a marvel to constantly see, alongside her attitude and bringing life character. I do think if I were better, we would click quite splendidly. They've recently reminded and motivated me to pick-up my daily-practice, or try too. Keep being a rockstar. @fair-fae - Few who wouldn't know who she is in this community. She's been in my opinion a huge core. I'm certain she's inspired many who weren't even RPers too try it by seeing her at the Quicksands or elsewhere, a tyme ago. Making no exception, I was even one of those. I used to be in QS every-single day and was often doing my shameless stuff. Though her presence first did show me there's a lot more. I admire her in all fields. Also appreciate her adopting me to the FC and her always thinking of others and giving events, or her aesthetics and portrayal, its the epitome of swan elegance. @thorcat - One of my most treasured friends. Been RPing with them for a longtime. There's never anything complicated between us or a rift of drama, it's just let's go and have fun. We really mesh well, I've welcomed nearly ever character and got the privilege to RP with nearly all them. They always open up envelope and help me, settle on back and just laugh. Whether used to be waking up to their characters humping my afk one or use randomly having a hardcore banter between Ufah and Captain and capturing them as a voidal pet. Memories with them isn't something I'd ever want to lose. I love ya! Never stop enjoying life for anything. @lukawarrioroflight - I get in the gutter find myself lacking motivation or writing, discouraged even... But I never have felt, I could ever do any wrong with this person, they bring the light out of me. So no matter what, how many hospital-beds I yearly visit, it's because of this rare nature, that I come back, even if they're the only one's ever to read my stuff. I would do it for them alone. @scholarlybreadbun - I've only been back recently and they've so much warmth. Their presence is the sun of inviting. The couple and posing all the shipping that stuff makes me even melt. I'm not particularly talented in regards to posing couples, but I took notice of them along time ago and set on quietly improving. Really like them for them, wouldn't ever want them to change that. Ideally look forward to be in their orbit longer so I can bask in them. @seascrapes - Been mutual with them for a while. Their aesthetics and character is all S+ level. I appreciate throwing back tagged prompts with them, one of many people I really think would be enjoyable to collab with any other seafarers. The artwork and pieces of Tal Brook, are breathtaking as ever exceptionally too, not to mention. Love your stuff matey, you're a king. @mai-takeda - Is a myth. Her absolutely sheer friendliness and her attitude, are so positive influencing, I was so thrilled to be welcomed with her and boosted by them early on. I couldn't see myself, wanting to exist where they didn't have happiness like the same she always delivers by just doing so many soft-things. Not to mention her writing... She's a whole world to throw yourself gazes

under. @zhauric - It doesn't go far either without the same breath of Mai, I could say about Zhauric. He's someone worthy to look-up and also recognize they're passionate and inviting, hoisting up literally everything. Could easily find any of their characters comrades with my own, or jiving alongside. Not to mention last XIVWrite, they slaughtered it. So enjoyable to read them all. I like how organized their blog is too, motivated me recently to redux my entire thing. @cadrenebula - They have so many diverse characters and their entire roster is vibrant and is imbued with a massive flux of life. They are able to encapsulate so many character's voices and portray them so effectively too, I really admire that greatly. They've made me think bigger and try myself recently at actually undertaking a huge roster of characters too. I've taken many breaks, but I always am so graciously returned often with them close-by and that's so incredibly sacred. I've seen a lot of people get discouraged or quit, leave, departure, etc. But they always seem to have a bigger house then they had last I took a break and I enjoy peaking in. @silvernsteel - Her artist and gif-work are awe-aspiring, there's little unrecognizable by her photo-sets and edits. They helped me even tip-toe into uncharted with giving me the recipes to try incorporating gifs into my arsenal. Plus so delightfully pleasant to actually talk with and just chill. I want nothing less in life, than the beauty they give, to be returned to them for eternity in all their glorious air. If ever needed anything of me, they've got me. @spotofmummery - We talk about passion or friendliness or overall a person to even remotely try to be, I got to include them. Their web-series and writing, screen-work, everything they do is fantastic. And that's furthered back nearly any I've met showcase or immortalize how just genuine of stellar person they are. I wish them always the energy to create and sparks. @snow-covered-moon - They've never been anything less but absolutely a diamond to know. I enjoy their character, their almost always abundant of energy that's very rub inducing. Their WoL character stories, writing, screen-shots, everyday they open up a new pandora box of joy, there's no mistaken love behind their character and that's infectiously easy to also enjoy something when the author does too. Always healthy to be around, I never feel short of vitality when they're close-by. @letheofthelost - Always cheerful or least encapsulates with me, they're a carnival ride. Just pure epic story-telling and engaging equally as passionate, constantly writing characters, not looking for anything outside of RP or anything really just being their selves, they fade all others. I love their presence, them as a person. Enjoy any character they'll ever come and throw under me, or a change of pace. Always feels easily understandable between one another. @crow-iv - Together we're an unfiltered, unstoppable wake of pure passionate writers and art. But I would say they're far ahead of me, in every regard. Already able to portray multiple characters in a scene and do such in-depth thinking, alongside even sketch or draw right afterwards or a scene. They're so talented, huge reason I set-out on giving them a Crew of cast and actual stories to-tell when I'm actually caught up and if they interested and we both have the room, I really think if further myself, I can be better and supply more for them to draw and I want to see them soar. I want to give them all my improvements and effectiveness. @trishelle - They've such a reinforcing personality and aura around them that easily bolsters anything that dares thinking they're about to be depleted so energizing. Aesthetics, characters, all them are so lively that further compliment their own mun's great welcoming presence. Worth hundreds of smiles and stars, keep high. Wish I had more time to dedicate to learning you! But I do notice and appreciate you. @fracturedfantasia - One of my people, I like to retreat and just talk my full

head-cannons with or learn, share insightful and inquisitive thoughts about philosophies and multi-culture things. Or plotting and in-general, they're a well of information and brimming ideas, they are every making of what makes a quality friend. When you can generally be open-about-all that's a real one right there. Their characters and tarot readings, I always would implore if they're offering. Thanks for giving me any-time. You're truly a treasure. @violet-warder - Never have even came to words with them yet unfortunately but didn't mean as a mutual, I haven't admired all their screenies, writing, or the aesthetics they bring of their character. Glamours is real end-game, I like all what you've done and put together. I care strictly about what represent and give, I don't want to see them ever think anyone want's them gone, they are abundantly so talented and possess things only they can deliver. I think recently came back too, and I'm glad to share, hopefully, overtime I can build you better up. Or eventually even talk, but I'm certain you are a busy-body person too, so we're relatable. @layla-grey - I have a lot of underline issues that set me back as a flawed person, but I've never not been anything but someone who's open, it's why I always do include my f-list in anything or etc. I'm not here to present this facade, and really don't care to be an image crafted by another. No one as of recently or now, am I close with as an RP partner or friend with then this stunning masterpiece. I never let-up on story-telling or anything so I can eventually use my Crew or other Characters, to give them anytime a master entertaining day, they push me to not be short-changed. IC and OOC I would devote my full attention too cause they've never shed from me. Didn't ever matter how much silence or anything, they're always around. And don't expect anything out of me or pressure. Just accept me and I equally share that sentiment, I want you to have everything in this world has to offer. ----- This is just a fraction of people, I've paid attention, noticed or know. I've been around in this Community for many years. There's a lot of things I could say about it, more probably then anyone else. But what matters to me, is recognizing the people who are here, that work hard, build others up, support, constantly are a beam. I don't need to interact with everyone, to know when someone is generally out for good. Or they're out for bad I've learned inquisitiveness longtime ago, I had to survive and remain afloat. I just go out and be me, and along the way, I get to find people like these, who help bring out the best me. I am nothing without these people, creators, writers, artist. I'm a terrible friend, horrible person, I don't have the energy to interact NEARLY with as much as I'd like with you all, If I could clone myself, or if things were different, I would drop it all to be in your orbits more if could. But, do know I appreciate you. And even if you ever do depart from this whole community or anything, know that anything you share, or give, that stuff does matter, somewhere, someone was aspired, if nothing else, by me. ONLY you can give the worlds you see and I am thankful. Do love yourself.

[velkynkarma]

@scribeofred tagged me for this and I figured, why not?

1. What fandoms have you written for?

A fair few. Let’s see...Fire Emblem (various games), Bleach, Samurai Champloo, One Piece, Digimon, Avatar the Last Airbender, Legend of Korra, Young Justice, Supernatural, Voltron: Legendary Defender, and Castlevania

2. How many works do you have on AO3 &/or FFNet?

There are 35 stories on FF.net and 54 works on AO3. Seven of those are posted on both accounts.

3. What are your top 3 fics by kudos on A03 &/or Favs on FFNet?

AO3 has the most (the highest fave count on FF.net is only 904). All 3 are Voltron fics:

Routine Maintenance, by a landslide 1678

Pillar in the Dark, at 1037

Parasite Knight, at 962

4. Which 3 fics have the least kudos & Favs?

Some of my very old Fire Emblem fics are the ones that have the least, but those are all on FF.net. For AO3, the lowest 3 are all Voltron fics, tied at 71:

Genesis, understandable since it’s a niche fusion AU

Coin Toss, again understandable since it’s the most recent fic in a very long AU/Canon Divergent series

Team Tactics, sadly understandable since it’s a niche fic about Allura and Zarkon

5. Which Fic has the most comments and which has the least?

On AO3, the clear winner is Premium Pandemonium (Voltron), with a whopping 550 comments (and I love everyone of you that left one!) The fic with the least comments is A Test of Faith (Supernatural) with a whole 5.

On FF.net we actually have one that beats out even AO3 for max comments: Asteria Nightmare (One Piece), with 613. 

6. Which complete fic do you wish had gotten more attention?

Either A Thousand Burning Eyes or Glass Half Full. Both are Voltron fics I put a lot of work into (especially Thousand Burning Eyes) but only had a handful of dedicated readers. It’s understandable though, since they were both about relatively unpopular or niche characters. 

I’ll admit I was also a bit disappointed with the response to Forced Respite (Castlevania) especially since several people requested I post it and expressed interest in it, and then didn’t actually leave any kind of feedback. But the fandom in general also seemed very unresponsive, so I’m not really surprised. 

7. Have you written any crossovers?

It’s practically one of my calling cards at this point. Especially Fusion AU’s. I’ve also done a couple fic crossovers between two different canon divergent AU series with @bosstoaster

8. What is the craziest fic you’ve written?

Crazy in what sense? If most ambitious/time consuming, undoubtedly Premium Pandemonium. 

9. What’s the fic you’ve written with the saddest ending?

Hmm...I generally do bittersweet angles more than pure sad. But the ones that seemed to hit people the hardest emotionally would be either Paying Respects (Voltron) or One Day Late (One Piece).

10. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

“Happiest endings” isn’t really my forte, but I guess if I had to pick one, Personal Growth (Voltron). It’s just generally a nice, relaxed vibe about a character enjoying his new hobby.

11. What is your smuttiest fic?

Yeah I don’t write smut. Not my thing.

12. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

I did years ago on one of my One Piece fics. At the time it upset me, but now I look back on it and laugh at how petty the commenter was.

13. What is the nicest comment you’ve received?

I can’t pick just one! I’ve had so many lovely comments!

14. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I’ve had fics pulled onto those other fansites, yeah. It happens.

15. How many fics do you have marked as incomplete?

Only one! From years and years ago in my early Fire Emblem days. I also specifically stated the fic might not ever be finished, too. 

As a general rule, I don’t post fanfics at all until they’re fully completed. Then people can safely invest their time in my stories and I don’t leave them hanging. 

16. Which of the WIPS will most likely be finished first?

Well the one fic above never will be. I have a WIP currently in progress for a new/old fandom, but it’s going quite well and should be completed soon. It’s also not actually public yet (and likely will not be for a while).

17. Which WIP are you looking forward to finishing?

The aforementioned new/old fandom one in #16.

18. Is there a WIP that you’re considering abandoning?

I’ve got quite a few fic skeletons that probably will never be completed in all kinds of fandoms. None of them have ever been posted, though, so nothing public has ever been left unfinished.

19. Which complete fic would you consider rewriting?

I don’t know if I would completely re-write any, but there are a number from my One Piece and Young Justice fandoms that I wouldn’t mind giving a little polish to. I plan to do that one day when I eventually get off my lazy butt and transfer them to AO3 from FF.net. 

20. Which complete fic is your favourite?

This is always changing, honestly. I’m really proud of a lot of my work. Currently Premium Pandemonium is the one I’m most proud of, because it was such an investment of time an energy and planning. I’m still extremely fond of Prince of Memory though, because it practically wrote itself and it still feels powerful even years later.

21. What’s your total published word count?

On AO3: 1,442,436

On FF.net:  1,118,411

Bear in mind, there is some crossover between about 7 fics for those counts. I also have a couple assorted fics posted to tumblr only for prompt challenges that I think I still haven’t cross-posted to AO3. I should do that at some point...

Thanks for the tag @scribeofred and anyone else can feel free to play :)

[halothenthehorns]

PADFOOT RETURNS

Favorite chapter of this book! I don't care you still don't need to know this.

HPHPHPHPHP

Sirius, who clearly still had that last task stuck in his craw, grumbled at Harry, "Well this does prove I was right about Krum, and Cedric. Anyone who leaves those other kids down in that lake are to be avoided by you at all costs."

Lily was frowning down at the little infant in her arms sadly, but still tried for some good, "I don't know Sirius, maybe we were being too harsh on them. Cedric at least, after all, before I heard about Harry's first year it never would have crossed my mind Dumbledore wouldn't put some contingency in place to make sure the unrescued kids came back to the surface. Cedric hasn't had the same bad feelings about Dumbledore recently as we had, I'm sure he just had faith enough not to take that song literally."

Sirius rolled his eyes, clearly not in all agreement, but Remus had a happy smile in place, clearly liking to the idea. "You gave me an interesting idea about Krum as well, what if he saw Dumbledore talking to those merpeople, and pieced the whole thing together from there."

"I can see that," Lily instantly agreed, "he's been staying out on the lake, any Durmstrang student could have seen Dumbledore discussing the task with them, or even more realistically, I'll bet Karkaroff told Krum as soon as he knew that he only had to worry about his one hostage."

"I wouldn't be surprised if Karkaroff did know the others would drown and told Krum to leave them down there anyways," Sirius rolled his eyes at the two of them." *

Harry and James exchanged a look, clearly realizing Sirius was looking to pick a fight, while everyone else just wanted to move on away from that task, so Harry leaned over to Sirius and gently restrained, "I'm positive I'll take your advice as seriously after the task as I did before."

Sirius was instantly derailed, turning back to Harry with a brilliant smile as he declared, "Well how else would you take advice from me?"

Lily and Remus rolled their eyes at him and looked pleadingly at James to go while he had the chance.

James still had a stupid happy smile stuck in place, hoping beyond all measure that Harry would just breeze through the last task and that until that had to arrive they'd spend the rest of his school year hearing of nothing more than homework and actual fun things to laugh about.

One highlight of the aftermath of this task, was Ron getting far more attention than Harry for once.

"Why?" Sirius couldn't help but ask, some nasty memories resurfacing of the last time Ron had been in the limelight, that hadn't been pleasant for Sirius. "Ron was asleep the whole time."

"Everyone saw Fleur kiss him along with Harry," Remus reminded, "and I can all to easily picture Harry shoving Ron in the way when anyone asked why."

  People were clamoring to hear his time down in the lake, and at first Ron seemed to be telling the truth. How the teachers had collected them, promised their safety, and he'd awaken when he reached the surface. A week later however, his tale had been embellished to include a fight for his life against a dozen merpeople, single handedly defending all of the women as they forced him under.

"I like the second story better," James beamed. "Its sounds like a thrilling tale."

"Ron's always been the best at those," Sirius snickered in agreement.

He made sure to assure Padma, who'd been much more taken with Ron since all this started, that he'd had the situation under control that whole time.

"Of course," Lily huffed with disgust at such a flighty girl. Ron acting like this was giving her some annoying flashbacks to James as well, so she wasn't going to pretend to enjoy any of this.

Hermione was not as pleased with his little stunts. She'd been snappish lately with all the people mocking her for being Viktor's missing person, and whenever she caught Ron she'd snap all he could do was snore them to submission.

"Teasing might not affect Hermione," James couldn't help a sympathetic smile for her, "but it certainly gets to her."

"Notes for the future," Harry said simply.

Ron blanched in surprise at her quip, and quickly went back to the real version afterwards.

"Least Hermione keeps him in place," Lily approved.

March came with drier weather, but cruel winds skinned their hands and faces every time they went out onto the grounds.

"I miss Quidditch," James sighed.

Owl post was getting delayed slightly by the buffeting winds, but Sirius' brown owl still managed to make a landing the Friday before Hogsmeade. It took off the moment Harry untied the note, clearly not up for making a return trip.

Harry was the only one who gave a laugh, the others were to on edge for the reply. Sirius' last note had not been promising.

This letter was almost as short as the previous one, simply requesting Harry meet him at an old stile in the back of Hogsmeade at two tomorrow, and to bring food.

They all sat there in a bit of dumbfounded silence for a moment.

Lily cracked first, saying with the most sincerity than she ever had in her life, "I am going to strangle you."

"Bring food?" James demanded, his voice cracking on the last word so that he couldn't have continued if he'd wanted to. James felt like an idiot, he'd made the joke himself that Sirius would probably have to steal a cake, but how much was he eating on the run?

Sirius had a torn look on his face, somewhere between he wanted to laugh them all off for thinking he was in danger like his usual idiotic self, and the rest was curiosity. He somehow managed to ask as if for the weather, "wonder what I'm up to."

"Would you please, for just a moment, pretend like this is dangerous," Remus sighed.

Sirius clucked his tongue at him in agitation, stating, "Never stopped me before. I'm just curious what I finally couldn't put in a letter, or maybe I'm just sick of owl post and want to see my Godson."

The baby in Lily's lap had been growing increasingly fussy, so Lily excused herself to put him down for a nap while still muttering about murder.

James fidgeted with the pages until she got back, honestly debating holding him down for her the whole time, but in the end he reminded himself it wouldn't be fair to murder Sirius just for mouthing off in here. In fact James was almost getting his wish, at least Harry and Sirius having a conversation face to face should be some modicum of fun, his best friend was probably right and just wanted to check in on Harry and no one should be looking for him in Hogsmeade, this should turn out fine.

Harry and Hermione were incredulous he'd really come back, but Ron brushed them off and said he'd been away from dementors this long, he obviously knew what he was doing.

"Thank you Ron," Sirius said a little extra loudly, still with an insufferably cocky look in place that no one was going to catch him.

As Harry tucked away his letter, he was surprised that he honestly felt better with the idea of seeing Sirius again.

"Ha!" Sirius barked in triumph, while Harry was in such a good mood with the most recent task finally being over he couldn't do anything but roll his eyes back.

So he headed down to his Potions class in a much better mood than normal.

Of course that was ruined the moment he saw the standard group of Slytherins all standing in a group, snickering over something.

"Well this never starts well," Lily grumbled, clearly the only one clinging to her unease over Sirius. She was equally annoyed at her boys trying to brush this off as a spot of fun, and just as unwilling to argue it otherwise. She relinquished Sirius had been out long enough it wasn't one hundred percent suicidal to come back, more like seventy five.

Pansy caught sight of them first, gesturing wildly at them to get the others attention.

"I'm with Lily," Remus groaned, "prepare to be annoyed just by that."

Harry saw a magazine in her hands, Witch Weekly.

"Guess that's better than the Daily Prophet," Sirius narrowed his eyes shrewdly.

"Not by much," James grumbled.

Then Pansy gave the paper a toss to Hermione, telling her she should have a good read of it. At that moment Snape opened the door, and they all had to file in.

"Of course this had to happen inside there," Sirius snapped, "at least when this stuff comes up in Care of Creatures you know Hagrid'll back you up."

"I'm sure they planned it this way just for that," Lily sniffed.

The three friends set up their cauldrons in the back of the room like always, but instead of pulling out their ingredients they all leaned over Hermione's magazine as she riffled through it.

The piece wasn't hard to find, another photo of Harry was spotted over the title Harry Potter's Secret Heartache. The article starts by reminding everyone that Harry had grown up without love while being deprived of his parents,

Lily and James flushed in hatred already for this, did that have to keep coming up!

was at least equaled out with the love he'd seemed to find in his school life was Hermione Granger.

"Didn't this already come up?" Sirius scoffed, "Skeeter must be running out of material if she's rehashing your love life."

"Let's hope she just runs out altogether soon," Harry sighed.

Sadly for Harry, he may not even be aware of his own suffering. Miss Granger, a plain but ambitious girl,

"She needs to keep her own story straight," Remus reminded, "she keeps changing her own description of just how pretty she thinks Hermione is."

"We've well established her facts change to fit her story," Lily huffed.

had recently been seen in more company of Viktor Krum. Clearly the girl had a love of famed Quidditch players, though it was clear neither boy knew of the other. Krum himself had been heard saying he'd never felt this way about another girl, even inviting her to his country over the summer.

The real crux was, it most likely wasn't Miss Granger's charm the cause of this.

Skeeter had interviewed a few students to get the real story, and Pansy Parkinson had happily stepped up in the story to report how intelligent Hermione was, it was more than possible Hermione was using Love Potions on these boys.

Love Potions were banned at Hogwarts of course, and this reporter only hoped the matter would be looked into soon before someone's heart was broken forever.

"That's all there is," James finished with a disappointed shake in his head, "thankfully. I'm relieved, I was fixing to start laughing at how ridiculous that was."

"I can still see why Skeeter tried to go that way for Hermione," Lily shook her head furiously, "that really would be traumatizing for some girls to have that printed about them."

"Hopefully Hermione'll take this as she did the other one," Remus said.

Ron was furious for Hermione, even as he couldn't stop an I told you so for her. Skeeter had gone and printed this about Hermione, turning her into a scarlet woman.

"Well he's not wrong," Lily couldn't resist a smile for Ron.

Hermione stopped looking down at the paper and began to laugh at Ron's choice of words, now shaking with giggles.

"I'm sure that's the exact reaction Skeeter was hoping Hermione would have," James beamed with pride.

"Laughing in the face of it all," Sirius agreed at once, "best way to face life."

"You're still not off the hook mister," Lily told him at once. "If you get yourself caught and killed for being an idiot, I'm going to kill you."

"And just what's it to you?" Sirius demanded with an impetuous smirk, clearly all at ease with digging his own grave.

"It means a great deal to me," Remus sniffed back, his mind scrambling to play this off and blast away the worry really eating at them. "As I take great comfort in knowing it'll be my hand that'll be the death of you one day."

Sirius most likely would have kept going, for some deranged reason he seemed to feel the way to make them feel better was throwing out more jokes at this, but James was in no way amused and kept reading loudly around them.

Ron said that's what his mum called them.

Hermione was not impressed, saying if that was the best Skeeter could do, she'd lost her touch.

"As if she ever had one," Lily scoffed, "so far all of her stories have been nothing but dribble."

The Slytherins were watching her expectantly for a reaction, but Hermione simply waved pleasantly at them.

"Never let it be said Hermione doesn't know how to play a situation," James smiled happily at the girl.

The three finally began on their potion for today, a Wit-Sharpening Potion.

Only a few minutes in though, Hermione began how odd it was

"That Snape's never used that Wit-Sharpening Potion on himself," Remus offered with wide eyed innocence.

about Skeeter knowing...

When she trailed off, Ron quickly yelped in surprise if she had been making Love Potions?

"That was his first thought?" James snorted.

"Not that I believe she'd do it," Lily shrugged, "but I'd be the last person to be surprised that she could. Ron would know the same thing."

Hermione snapped at him for being stupid, no what she was surprised was how Skeeter knew about Krum inviting her to Bulgaria.

"I thought that was just more made up stuff," Sirius said in surprise.

She was blushing in embarrassment by the end of admitting to this.

Ron dropped his pestle in shock as he looked at her.

Hermione tried to ignore this and quickly got the whole thing out, telling out he'd asked her just after he'd pulled her out of the lake.

Ron demanded what her answer was, now trying to grind up his desk more than his ingredients.

All four of them were snickering now, though at least trying to hide it at Harry's bewildered stare. He wasn't sure if they were laughing at Ron or something else altogether like he was thinking, but did not want to discuss it.

Hermione tried to ignore him, unsuccessfully by going all the more red, as she agreed he'd been quoted saying he'd never felt this way about another girl.

"I cannot believe she's actually admitting this to them," Remus shook his head.

"This is why Hermione needs some friends who are girls," Lily sighed for the poor thing. She knew full well how that could feel.

That didn't explain how Skeeter knew this, she hadn't been around when Krum had said that, no one had. Perhaps she'd had an Invisibility Cloak on and was sneaking around?

"Would not put it past her," James grumbled.

Ron repeatedly demanded what her answer to Krum had been, knocking the desk so hard with his pestle he put a dent in it.

"I'm thinking Ron wants an answer to that," Sirius raised a brow.

"What on earth gave you that idea?" James kept trying to repress giggles while continuing.

Hermione began to admit that she hadn't a chance to answer before Harry appeared- but was cut off by Snape saying from behind them that he was docking ten points from Gryffindor for discussing their business in his class.

Amusement instantly gone and snatched away because of that insect, no one had the heat to snap at him this time, it went without saying at this point.

The whole class turned as Snape hovered over the three of them, Harry getting another wave of POTTER STINKS badges from Malfoy.

"Might as well glue that to his arse, or his forehead, same thing at this point," Sirius huffed.

Snape caught sight of the magazine, docking another ten points for having this in class, then finding the article and even reading the title out loud.

Lily was gnashing her teeth furiously to hold back the abundance of things she'd like to throw in his face for all the petty comments. It was sick how he was living his dream come true, being able to humiliate her son at every opportunity, when most likely he was really looking down on James in all these moments.

The dungeon rang with the Slytherins' laughter, and an unpleasant smile curled Snape's thin mouth. Going one step further, Snape then began to read the article aloud.

"I-He!" Remus spluttered, sure he must have heard that one wrong.

"There's logic for you," James lip curled, "he took their points away for reading it, and then reads it. Remind me again why I never got around to blowing this one to Norway?"

"Don't ask me mate," Sirius was glaring at nothing and not even pretending it was a joke, "I suggested at least once a week we hogtie him and leave him to the Forest, but no one would let me do it."

"Next time you get the opportunity," Remus told him sincerely, "I'll run interference while you get the rope."

They snarked on long enough at the injustice of this, but James forced himself to reread that bilge through Snape.

The whole thing came across ten times worse in Snape's cruel tones.

When he was done, Snape came to the conclusion it was time to split these three up to keep them on their work. He made Ron stay where he was, moved Hermione to sit by Pansy,

"Please tell me Hermione's brilliant enough to make that blow up without her noticing," Lily pleaded of nothing.

and put Harry in the table in front of his desk.

"I'll pause for the miracle he didn't put him beside Malfoy," James groaned, an honest toss up of which would have been worse, Harry next to him or continued interaction with Snape!

Harry furiously obeyed, dragging his cauldron to the front and slamming into his new seat to continue his potion.

Snape retook his seat but Harry refused to look up at him, determined not to give Snape the satisfaction of seeing how angry he was as he began smashing his own scarab beetles, imagining each one as Snape's face.

"You know what, I like Harry's idea better," Sirius nodded along. "It'd be much more personal and fun to turn him into a potion ingredient."

"Won't deny loving the irony of that," James agreed.

Snape began whispering for Harry's ears alone how all of this press attention was inflating his already large head.

Harry denied response, he knew Snape was trying to provoke him, he'd done so before.

"When did Snape provoke you before?" Lily cast her mind back. "He seems much more fond of humiliating the life out of you and then docking points."

"When he found out I had the Map," Harry reminded, "tried to get me into admitting I'd been visiting Hogsmeade."

"Oh yeah," she rolled her eyes at that resurfacing memory of him taking potshots at James. The incident with Remus afterwards had burned that away a bit.

No doubt Snape was hoping to take a whole fifty points from Gryffindor before class was up.

"The day is just wasted if you haven't," Sirius scowled.

Snape persisted in saying that Harry may be delusional enough to think the whole world was in love with him, ignoring the fact that Harry had long since turned his beetles into a fine powder, but Snape knew better. He didn't care how many times Harry was in the papers,

"Really?" Harry mock outraged with as much sarcasm as he could muster. "Because I've been putting in so much hard work to garner his approval!"

"It's too bad you can't say things like that to him without risking detention," Remus sighed.

"The detention would be worth it," Sirius huffed.

Potter would always be a nasty little boy who gave no consideration to the rules.

Harry finally gave his powder to his potion and turned on his roots instead, his hand shaking so bad the cuts weren't nearly as precise as they should be. Still he refused to respond and give Snape the satisfaction.

"I'm glad you're taking Hermione's path at least," Lily sighed, "he'll get less satisfaction if you act like he's not getting to you."

"Much more self-satisfying to get him back later, when he's lesser expecting it," James mock agreed with his wife, though she wasn't going to argue with him.

Snape promised this warning, if he ever caught Harry breaking into his office one more time-

"He's never broken into your office period," Remus said like speaking to an idiotic child.

"Technically," Sirius added on with a faint smile, "and Snape can't prove otherwise."

"That was two years ago though," James cocked his head to the side, "or is he really blaming Harry for, well whatever that mess with Crouch was."

"He blames everything on me," Harry reminded.

"I'm sure he's tried to get you expelled for every instance that went on at school, and at some point Dumbledore just stopped opening the door for him," James said wistfully, thinking about slamming a door in his face as well, or more on his face.

Harry snapped at that, saying he'd never been in Snape's office.

Snape's black eyes glowed with hatred as he hissed back all of his missing supplies, the Boomslang skin and Gillyweed, all from his private cupboards.

"Wait, now I'm confused," Lily made a rewind motion. "Dobby took the Gillyweed, but what's this about the Boomslang skin? Again, that happened years ago, I'm blasted he's really connecting the events."

"Again," Remus pointed out, "he clearly blames Harry for everything that goes wrong in his life, and I'm not really surprised if he's been in waiting to throw this at him since he found out."

"But it is rather odd," James had his head cocked to the side, "he's talking like this happened when Crouch was in his office, but he can't have stolen either of those, it doesn't add up."

"With what?" Sirius demanded of him. "We never even found out why he was there in the first place."

"What are the odds Crouch happened to steal the exact ingredient Harry had need of, and something he also stole two years ago," Lily said back.

Sirius had no reply, none of them did. This was such an inane mystery no one even had a clue how to begin to puzzle it out.

Harry stared back with a blank face, refusing to acknowledge this. It was in fact Hermione and Dobby who Snape should really be looking to, but Harry wasn't going to be saying that. Instead he lied, stating he had no clue about anything.

Snape hissed back he knew Harry was out of bed that night his office had been ransacked.

"While he's technically not wrong about that," Remus rolled his eyes.

"He still has no proof it was Harry," Sirius finished for him. "There are three other champions that egg could have belonged to, but of course he's still convinced, without proof, it was Harry."

Lily wanted to scold him this time it was good enough evidence, the map and the egg together wouldn't leave an idiot stumped, but that wasn't Sirius' point and she knew it.

Snape had no clue why Moody had joined Potter's fan club,

"Oh, do we finally have proof that exists," James asked mildly. "What did Colin and Ginny name it anyways?"

"Potter Doesn't Really Stink," Sirius offered to Harry's trying to ignore them both, about as successfully as he'd been ignoring Snape.

but even he couldn't save Harry from Snape when he caught him.

"About as thoroughly as he has in the past," Remus stated with a winning smile, making them all give a hearty laugh in appreciation for that; because Harry hadn't ever technically been in trouble for any of this.

Harry mildly agreed he'd keep that in mind if ever he had a wish to go for Snape's office.

"You just know it's on his top ten list," Sirius nodded along.

"Right up there with going back into the Forest, going to another Death Day party, and going back to the Chamber," Remus agreed.

Snape's eyes flashed, his hand tucked inside his robes, and for an actual moment Harry was sure Snape was about to curse him.

"I'll skin him alive," Lily said dangerously, wishing now more than ever she could leave these walls for the simple use of acting on that.

Instead he pulled out a clear bottle that looked like it held water. Snape asked if Harry knew what this was.

This time, completely honestly, Harry said no.

"Not that it's ever stopped you before," James said.

Snape explained it was Veritaserum, a Truth Potion so powerful just three drops and Harry would spill every secret he'd ever had.

"And illegal to use on the unwitting," Lily hissed.

Harry ruffled his brows at her, casting his mind back to a not at all pleasant conversation where he'd try to offer ideas to prove Sirius' innocence. This potion had come up, and he asked, "If you can't use it on people on trial because they're expecting it, and you can't use it on someone who isn't expecting it, what's it used for?"

"Nothing," Lily deflated a bit at talking to her son, though venom was still clear in her tone even not directed at him. "It's basically illegal to even own any amount unless you have specific license to study under a few fields. Snape would be allowed to have some I suppose, being a potion's teacher and all, but that doesn't give him the right to use it on anyone!" She finished, trying to force herself not to shout there at the end.

"Dumbledore wouldn't let him use it," Remus offered without any real hope.

"Dumbledore should be stopping a lot of things that keep happening," Sirius snapped back bitterly.

Snape conceded there were many restrictions placed on the use of this potion, but one day Snape's hand may just slip over Potter's evening drink.

"And ironically," Lily put her hands up in exasperation, "Snape still wouldn't get his end results."

"Though a few worse things would come out than breaking into a teacher's office," James muttered, keeping a careful eye on his best friend.

Harry turned away with false indifference, ignoring how uncomfortable that potion made him feel. Snape may not get the confession he'd be wanting, but Harry knew how much trouble not only his friends would be in, but also far worse things could happen. Like his admission to being in contact with Sirius, and his crush on Cho.

Sirius couldn't help it, he broke all tension in the room by snorting with laughter, and not stopping there by doubling over and still holding his sides with amusement.

Harry was bright scarlet already, trying in vain to get James to keep going who was paying him no attention, clearly just as amused as Padfoot that Harry's embarrassment over that crush ranked right up there with the fear of his Godfather getting caught. Good to know where Harry's priorities were at least.

It took Sirius quite some time to settle back down, rubbing happily at his chest and ignoring the exasperated looks of the others at such an overreaction. "Thanks pup, I needed that."

"You are not welcome," Harry grumbled back.

He put his roots into his potion and began stirring, his mind on Moody's idea to start drinking out of his own hip flask for a while.

"While I wouldn't blame you if you did," Remus shook his head with amusement, "I more recommend just asking the house-elves to special make you meals. Gives you a much less paranoid vibe."

"I'll keep that in mind," Harry did manage a smile for him.

A knock on the door stopped either from saying anything else as Snape called for entrance in a more normal voice.

"So, dark and creepy," James nodded along.

Karkaroff came in.

"Well, well," Sirius raised a brow. "Evil plotting in front of the kiddies now? Poor form on their part."

"I will strangle you," Lily promised, still unable to grasp how he could make light of Death Eaters around Harry.

"What?" Sirius defend himself at once. "They're not actually going to do anything to Harry in that classroom, but Harry might pick up on something else they could be up to."

Remus wanted to remind him they most likely had already done something to Harry, they were their number one suspects on who'd entered Harry into this tournament, but he wasn't going to argue with Sirius now and begged Lily not to bother while James ignored them all.

Everyone watched as he came up to Snape's desk, clearly trying to be as quiet as possible as he whispered they needed to talk.

"Then he should have done this after the fact," James rolled his eyes, "in Snape's oh so important office."

"Be happy intelligence is failing them," Sirius waved him off.

Harry still pretended he wasn't listening as he kept at his ingredients, but still clearly heard Snape's hissing response to deal with this after class.

Karkaroff refused, saying he was tired of Snape slipping away and avoiding him.

"I would too," Remus quipped, but was watching the book curiously now, all of them wondering what they could be squabbling about.

Snape repeated they would talk after the lesson.

While Harry raised his measuring cup full of armadillo bile up to the light to check the correct measurement,

"Subtleness you were excelling at I'm sure," Remus smirked.

"You ever wonder how they get some of these ingredients?" Sirius muttered to Harry.

"Detention from Snape I'm sure," Harry said back, thinking it would be just that kind of punishment for Snape to make armadillos appear just to have them vomiting their bile for the students to collect.

Harry peaked at the pair. Karkaroff looked worried, Snape angry.

Karkaroff stayed hovering over Snape's desk for the rest of class, and determined to know what they were talking about, Harry knocked over the rest of his armadillo bile with a minute to go before class let out and quickly bent down to mop it up while the rest of the class fled the room.

"That was brilliant," James praised.

"Absolute credit for sneakiness with an excuse," Sirius agreed.

Snape demanded what Karkaroff thought was so urgent? Karkaroff declared this!

Harry peeked around his cauldron to see Karkaroff had pulled up his left sleeve to show Snape something Harry couldn't see.

Remus cocked his head to the side with a calculating look in place. "Wasn't that the same arm Snape grabbed when Moody made a crack at him about marks?"

"You think him and Karkaroff got matching tattoos?" Sirius asked in disbelief.

"I think it's strange something's clearly bothering both of these Death Eater's," Lily agreed mildly even if she did think the arm thing was a slim attachment.

Of course, they all knew something was stirring, Voldemort was trying to make a return and even if Harry hadn't been having any more dreams about it, and thank Merlin for that and it not happening any time soon, it was still the most unsettling thing to happen thus far. Could these two be talking about that? It really was hard to come up with anything else this could be about, but what would something on their arms be about?

Karkaroff insisted it was clearer than ever, it hadn't been like this since-

Snape snapped at him to put that away, turning a nastier face on Harry and demanding to know what he was still doing in here?

Harry showed his sodden rag he was cleaning with,

"I'm so sure he appreciates your cleanliness," James scowled, his mind still flagging in frustration he couldn't put this together. This could be something really important, and they were all clearly missing something.

but Snape snapped at him to get lost. Harry quickly vacated the room to tell Ron and Hermione what he'd seen.

"Which was what exactly?" Lily groaned in frustration.

Next day they left for Hogsmeade, the weather finally slowing enough that it was actually a beautiful day.

This wasn't making anyone's mood feel any better. Despite the Snape distraction, no one could get over how worrisome it felt to have Sirius back in the picture like this. Danger kept screaming at every corner of their mind, and yet at the same time none of them would selfishly admit it would be good just to hear about him again not on the run or as a convict. Just Padfoot trying to spend some time with Harry for a day.

The food Sirius had asked for was tucked in Harry's bag, a dozen chicken legs, a loaf of bread, and a jug of pumpkin juice.

Sirius still fidgeted uneasily a bit at such an odd request from himself, he wasn't liking where this was headed right off the bat.

First they headed for a shop to get Dobby those promised socks, enjoying themselves by picking out the most outlandish ones they could find, including ones that screamed at you if you didn't wash them regularly enough.

"Not a bad start," James nodded along, "but you've got about three hundred more pairs to go to get to that every day of the year promise."

"I decided I'd build up to it," Harry grinned, "I need to get him future gifts after all, no sense in doing it all at once." He finished with an almost vacant look at the end, his innards squirming a warning he'd better get Dobby those socks while he had a chance.

"That's cheating," Sirius wagged his finger at the half finished return to keep Harry's attention, but agreed with a smile, "I'm so proud."

As the time came, they made their way to the stile. Harry had never been this far into Hogsmeade before,

All three boys made choking noises of disbelief at that declaration, it still blew their mind Harry didn't know the grounds of that place like they did.

and the place looked far more deserted with a long winding road and being right at the base of a mountain.

A small gate closed off the borders of the village, and leaning on said gate with large paws and a shaggy coat was a familiar dog.

Harry happily greeted Sirius.

Lily was shaking her head fondly, like she'd still been futilely hoping this whole time Sirius wouldn't be stupid enough to come, and even more pleased he had.

Harry couldn't help but compare that lean, wild looking animal to the happy pooch he'd seen in this living room days ago, trying to comfort him in his fear of what would happen to Sirius. The contrast between the same dog was as vivid as the cocky, self-assured Godfather sitting at his side, ready to joke his way to the end, and the gaunt faced criminal Harry only had memory of seeing smile once.

The black dog sniffed Harry's bag eagerly, wagged his tail once, then turned and began to trot away from them across the scrubby patch of ground that rose to meet the rocky foot of the mountain.

"Wait a minute," Remus said slowly, "you're not really..." he trailed off in disbelief as he kept watching Sirius.

"Don't know how regularly," Sirius shrugged, "but I'm even more pleased if so. It'll be much more fun to talk to Harry rather than just following him around."

"I don't understand," Lily was frowning, looking from Sirius to his two friends suspiciously.

"That mountain's got all sorts of caves and hiding spots," James told her and Harry. "We explored them all the time, even kept a stash of stuff up there when we didn't want to get caught with it. When we found Sirius wasn't staying in the Shack, I honestly thought this was where he was spending his time last year."

Lily gnawed on her lip a bit, but decided this was actually fairly out of the way of the school, and if the Marauders said they'd explored this place than that meant they knew it better than the surrounding villagers. Plus, if Dumbledore even knew Sirius was staying there, and warned people to stay away from the area, well this was honestly looking like almost a good idea. Then she realized what she was thinking, and chose not to say anything aloud, still not wanting to give that idiot the impression she approved of him being in the country at all.

The three followed him up the steep path, having to climb over boulders and struggling to keep up with the more assured four legged one, as they sweated under the sun and the straps of Harry's bag cut into his shoulders.

"If I'd known there'd be a hike, I'd have left the jug behind," Harry winced and rubbed at his shoulders in remembrance.

"I honestly forget what it's like to try on two legs," Sirius answered honestly, and with a bit of pity. "We didn't really go all through these places until we changed."

Finally the dog vanished into a crevice, and the three wiggled inside to see a spacious cave with Buckbeak tied to a corner.

"So you did actually keep him," Remus chuckled. "I never again want to hear you mock me for bringing home strays."

"Not happening Moony," Sirius shot back at once. "This beast saved my life, the least I can do is keep him around. You dragging in all manner of destruction into our flat with your creature of the month have yet to do the same."

Remus opened his mouth, to argue the point or give another sarcastic response James didn't want to listen to for once, he was too anxious to hear how Sirius was doing in person. That food comment was still lingering badly at the edge of his mind.

All three bowed to the hippogriff, who obliged back, and while Hermione rushed forward to pat him in greeting, Harry turned eyes on his godfather. Sirius was wearing the same ragged garb he'd had on the night he escaped Azkaban,

They all winced, that wasn't a great start, though no real surprise as it probably would have been a chore at best to steal anything better. Most likely if he wasn't on Buckbeak he was Padfoot, so it wasn't even the largest of deals in the grand scheme, but even something as little as this struck deep.

his hair was a long tangle mess again, and he looked extremely thin.

Lily made a noise she knew she wouldn't deny even if she'd been called out on. All her blustering and scolding aside, she was as distraught as the boys at the idea of what Sirius had really been living through.

James and Remus looked like they'd swallowed a lemon at the idea, not even being subtle as they kept a steady eye on their Sirius, here and now looking grumpy but still his usual self. He didn't even seem to realize he kept running his hand through his hair, as if to keep himself in check this wasn't some nasty new form of a mirror being put on him.

He was sitting on the ground, spitting a few newspapers out of his mouth he'd been carrying this whole time, and turned to Harry asking about the chicken he smelled.

'Missed you to Sirius,' Harry thought to himself, not looking to meet anyone's eyes. He still felt responsible for Sirius being in these conditions, and the fact that his Godfathers first request had been for food rather than an actual greeting spoke every level of how horrible it had been.

Harry handed over the bag, and Sirius began digging in at once, while thanking for the food, admitting he'd actually been living on rats.

James hardly got that out before revulsion hit and his throat retched.

"There's some kind of irony in that I'm sure," Sirius said with pure viciousness in his voice as he took in all the disgusted faces around him.

"Sirius-" Remus began weakly, but Sirius cut him off snappishly.

"What? You lot going to sit around and tell me how sorry you are for me? Like that's going to help? Let it go will you, it's my decision."

While true, this didn't make what they were hearing any better, so still fighting down the impulse to run to the kitchen and get Sirius a snack while he had to listen to this, James forced himself to keep going.

He admitted he couldn't be stealing too much food from Hogsmeade, he didn't want to draw attention to himself.

Lily kept a watchful eye on him, waiting for him to start up his bragging that of course he was smart enough to think ahead like this, clearly waiting for someone to mock him to the contrary, but when no one did he instead intensified his glare at all of them so that he actually looked pretty scary. It was clear he was growing sick of their trying to baby him, but none of them were going to be able to shake it off any time soon.

He gave Harry a grin, who only reluctantly returned it.

Harry demanded why Sirius was even here, and Sirius said back he was doing his job as godfather, while gnawing on the chicken bone in a very doglike way.

"Least some things don't change," James shook his head fondly, Sirius had done that long before he'd been an animagus, though he'd admitted he'd donned the habit more in protest of his mother's precious table manners than anything.

Sirius looked pleased enough at the comment, at least his best friend wasn't all doom and gloom.

Sirius told Harry not to worry about it, everyone around here found him a lovable stray. He kept grinning, but when the anxiety didn't leave Harry's face, he kept going seriously

Sirius released a bark of triumphant laughter, clearly never growing tired of when Harry did this the most, before turning to his pup and stating, "no need for the clarification, I say everything Seriously."

"You're right Prongs," Remus groaned, "but sometimes I wish that joke would change."

"Not happening," Sirius stated proudly.

that Harry's last letter had left him uneasy. The papers weren't helping anything, clearly something was getting fishy around here.

He nodded at the yellowing newspapers, which Ron went to investigate.

Harry kept watching Sirius, asking what would happen if someone spotted him.

Sirius waved that off, saying the three of them and Dumbledore were the only ones who knew he was here and that he was an Animagus, still tearing off large pieces of chicken between every word.

Ron got Harry's attention by showing him the headlines, one of which covered the mystery of Crouch's disease,

"One of the symptoms being night time wanderings," Sirius rolled his eyes, still finding this much more fun to think about than himself.

and the other still over the missing Ministry Employee, and that the Minister himself was now looking into it.

"I'm honestly impressed," Lily arched a brow. "Why's she getting so much attention? People have gone missing before."

"Most likely, after ah, this time," Remus wasn't quite sure how to phrase that and since they got the gist he quickly moved past, "I'm sure if it did happen, at least someone could offer up some sort of explanation. As far as we know, she's gone without a single trace. That is media worthy."

"I'd almost rather not have the answer to this one," Sirius shivered for the poor thing.

Harry read the Crouch one first, looking up when he was done about how they made it seem like he was dying.

Ron told Sirius about how Percy was Crouch's underlying, and he just wrote it all off as being overworked.

Harry disagreed, saying how bad he'd looked that night of the Goblet.

Hermione just said it was his own comeuppance for how he'd treated Winky.

"I'm thinking this might be a bit more than that," James shook his head fondly

"Hermione'll just take any excuse to change the subject to house-elves," Sirius snorted.

Saying how she was sure he was regretting his harsh actions now.

Ron informed Sirius about Hermione's house-elf obsession, but rather than exasperated like Ron, Sirius looked intrigued as he asked about Crouch sacking his elf.

"That would be news to me," Sirius agreed, he still found the instance odd, and he'd already heard about it.

Harry recounted the whole Dark Mark event for him.

Sirius pulled yet more chicken out as he made sure he got the whole thing cleared up, clearly being the most interested in Crouch not even appearing at the event of the Cup.

Harry agreed he'd stated he was too busy to come at the time.

Sirius got to his feet as he sucked on the marrow, muttering to himself for a moment before asking Harry if he'd checked his pockets for his wand before he'd left the Top Box?

"Why would you ask?" Remus asked slowly.

"Not really sure," Sirius was frowning at nothing as he tried to guess at his own train of thought...no matter how odd that was.

Harry thought back and admitted he hadn't checked until he'd needed it later, then asking of Sirius if he really thought the caster of the Mark had been in the Top Box?

"Even Sirius wouldn't make such a suicidal leap," Lily dissed the idea.

"If the Malfoy's hadn't been confirmed in with the other Death Eaters, I might argue the point," Remus said fairly.

"But there's no one else up there who could have done it," James agreed.

"Unless Winky stole it for someone," Sirius offered, his brow still ruffled as he tried to put it together.

James scoffed at the idea, saying, "Unless Crouch told her to, I don't buy that. She was clearly all loyal to him, that sounds like a Dobby stunt."

Sirius ran out of ideas, it really didn't make much sense, but something had happened in between it being in Harry's possession and it casting the Mark, they just had not a single clue of what. Harry wasn't helping anyone, arms crossed in a huffy manner as he was well aware the answer was somewhere in Sirius' line of thinking.

Sirius agreed there was a good chance, and Hermione at once snapped it hadn't been Winky!

Sirius agreed she hadn't been the only one up there, asking for a list of everyone.

When Harry recounted the Malfoy's name, Ron suddenly got the idea that it could have been Lucius all along.

Sirius didn't seem to think so, as he asked for anyone else present.

"Well you clearly don't think much of the idea," Remus pointed out.

"Which is a bit off from you," Lily shook her head.

"If Harry explained the whole thing, including Draco telling of his parents being in the Death Eater crowd," Sirius shrugged them off.

"They still seem the most likely," James sighed, then his eyes brightened with understanding, but not pleasure as he offered, "what if it was a handoff. Who wants to put money Karkaroff could have been at that game, supporting his number one student."

They all swallowed that for a moment, but Harry shook his head first, saying very slowly so as not to agitate himself, "I don't think, I mean, I like to think I'd have recognized the voice, and I still haven't heard it since that night."

It was thin, someone shouting a curse could still manage to sound different enough from just casual speaking, but if Harry was disagreeing with an idea, it was best not to argue the point.

When Harry finished, Hermione also pointed out Bagman in the end.

Sirius kept up his pacing and stated all he knew of him was that he was an old Beater.

The four of them felt themselves sink just that little bit lower, again. First the dragons, now this, had Azkaban taken everything away from Sirius? Something of his old Quidditch love and idol of a player should have sparked a life in him at the mention of that name, not just that.

Sirius asked if they'd had any more contact with him, and Harry admitted Bagman had been trying to help Harry out with the Tournament, said he'd taken a liking to Harry.

Hermione pointed out they'd seen him just before the Mark was cast and he disapparated, but Ron said it was ludicrous to think Bagman had done this.

"I can't really buy that," Lily shook her head. "He's been a bit of an idiot, one too many bludgers honestly, but I don't think he's Death Eater material."

Something buzzed in the back of Harry's skull, and for some odd reason his mind flickered to Skeeter, and something she'd said about Bagman...

Hermione stubbornly said back she thought Bagman was still more likely than Winky.

"That I'll give her," James snorted.

Ron looking imploringly at Sirius as he repeated Hermione's obsession with elves.

Sirius though waved Ron silent.

"I'm impressed he listened," Remus couldn't help a little smirk at Sirius. "Looks like you've gotten marginally more menacing to stop someone."

"Wish it would work on you," Sirius grumbled at him.

Sirius instead turned back to Harry and asked what Crouch had done after his elf had been discovered under it.

Harry told how he'd gone through the bushes looking for someone else, and found no one.

Harry still felt like someone had snapped a rubber band on his nose, something in there was a lie, but all he got for it was rubbing in agitation at his temple and ignoring the moment.

Sirius agreed that was in line, Crouch would want to pin this on anyone else but his elf.

Hermione instantly agreed, saying he'd been wrong to sack his elf just for running from that stampeding crowd.

Ron snapped at her to give those elves a rest!

"I can see Ron's point," James said around twitching lips, "I'm sure he's heard this a million times by now, and Sirius has much more important things to be asking than house-elves."

Sirius seemed to be on Hermione's side though, telling Ron that she had a better idea of how Crouch was than Ron. If you wanted to know what a man was like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals.

Lily couldn't stop a violent, and rather vindictive, snort as she looked disbelievingly at him for that one. "You did not just say that with a straight face? After the way you've gone on about elves, I thought you'd be cheering Ron on."

Sirius had a little sneer in place for her benefit as he corrected, "I hate my elf, with good reason. That doesn't mean I'm not going to think less of someone doing the same to theirs if it hasn't done anything wrong. That's sound advice woman, you should be thanking me for bestowing that on your son."

Lily raked her hand through her hair instead of slapping Sirius for the pompous attitude, she found him being a hypocrite more in that moment than wise like he clearly thought himself, but truth be told he wasn't wrong either. Sirius had every right to hate his house-elf in particular at least, but from what she'd gathered he'd clearly treated the ones at Hogwarts with at least as much respect as the rest of the staff, if not more for the free food, which was saying something.

He ran a hand over his unshaven face, evidently thinking hard.

Sirius waited impatiently for a sarcastic comment from anybody asking how hard that was, a witty retort already in place, and was all the more frustrated when it didn't come. Couldn't these guys chill for just one second? They had no problems taking the mickey out of him in here, but clearly none of them were going to be mocking his future self...which still hurt his brain to think about so he let it go.

He was still stuck on the idea of Crouch, saying all of these absences of his from events he'd had such a huge hand in putting together wasn't like him at all. If he'd ever missed a day of work because he was sick, Sirius would eat Buckbeak.

"Best way you could have put that, past the lovely sentiment," Lily crinkled her nose at him.

Harry was surprised that Sirius seemed to know Crouch personally.

Sirius' face darkened so much, that between the menacing scowl and the dark lighting, he looked truly like the murderer Harry had once believed him to be.

Five faces lost every last drop of color at that sentiment, one question on all of their lips, what had Crouch done to Sirius? 

He whispered for their benefit that he only knew Crouch as the man who'd put him in Azkaban without a trial.

Sirius' mouth flopped open in shock, mingled disbelief and hatred suddenly burning away any trace of his joking bravado nature. It was now all too clear to Harry that was indeed an expression of one who could actually go and kill someone, and Sirius had just been given a motive.

"He what?" Lily hissed, the fire blazing in her green eyes matched only by her hair. "They couldn't really, there's no way they-"

"I'm going to kill him," James vowed on the spot. He didn't remember getting to his feet, but he was suddenly pacing all around the room, his wand tapping furiously on his hip and clearly hoping to use it on the first available target. He spat in the fireplace as he passed it but that relieved nothing, he could not get this out of his head!

Remus' lower lip was trembling, it was unclear whether he was fixing to cry or scream. Mostly he just looked diminished. He couldn't help his mind scattering to the first person that he would have called to for help with this, but Dumbledore had actually allowed this to happen! He was Supreme Mugwump, Crouch may have held off the trial but he would have had to pass it by Dumbledore to be skipped, which had never been passed in their history! Even someone brought in as a confirmed and known Death Eater was granted a trial, but Sirius hadn't even been given that! What the bloody hell was the matter with this! It only marginally explained their earlier plights and complaints that Sirius shouldn't have been sent there at all, one moment in front of an actual person should have proven Sirius' innocence, now they all realized he' never even been allowed that chance!

While Harry knew he was just as angry as the rest of them, he tried to keep some perspective. While outraged on behalf of Sirius for this slight, Harry just knew there was something important about this conversation, something Sirius was going to tell him that would make all the difference to this year. He really didn't want to be the one to call attention to himself, any of them were likely to spring into deadly action at a moment's notice now, but it spoke volumes of Harry's time here when he cleared his throat and hardly winced at all eyes falling on him. "I am begging you guys to remember this hasn't technically happened yet," he gestured vaguely to his still fuming godfather. "Crouch'll never get the chance to do this to him," he promised with much more conviction than he felt.

No one looked appeased enough to move past this, James was still pacing manically around the room and looked as likely to kiss Snape as pretend this wasn't going to weigh on him whether it had technically happened yet or not. Sirius should never have been in Azkaban to begin with, that thought had never once left his mind since he'd heard about this, and yet somehow the level of bad got worse at this news. He didn't know how to go back to simply reading a book after this kind of news, he was entirely certain he couldn't get the words out anyways through his red vision.

The book had been left in James's vacant seat, and Harry uneasily reached for it like it was the Monster Book of Monsters, ready to bite his hand the moment he touched the cover. No one made to stop him, though a few throats vibrated a warning growl that promised screaming would resume at a moment's notice. Harry's fingers fumbled across several pages, possibly earning a few paper cuts as he found his place, but that Gryffindor bravery, or thickness he was sure Ron would say, shone through as he forced himself to go on in this atmosphere.

The three of them gasped in surprise, while Harry demanded to know if he was kidding, but Sirius simply said he wasn't while taking another bite of food.

Harry paused hopefully, though in vain. He'd been hoping at least Sirius, who'd laughed off plenty of terrible things before, would at least make a crack he could discuss anything over food, but clearly it was not to be forthcoming.

Crouch had been head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement at the time.

"He won't be holding that position long when I get a hold of him," Lily snarled. She'd put up with his horrid ways for long enough because he'd been using them against Death Eaters, proven Death Eaters! This was, unprecedented!

He'd even been tipped for the next Minister of Magic. Crouch was a powerful wizard,

"Bet you nearly bit your tongue off getting that out," Remus sighed, his voice still coming out so quiet no one was really sure what he'd said and didn't ask for a repeat.

and power hungry. He caught the look on Harry's face and quickly corrected he was no Voldemort supporter, Crouch was the opposite. Then again, a lot of people against the Dark, but he trailed himself off saying they were too young to understand.

"Hurtful," Harry yelped at once.

Sirius gave him an even look, but finally that face was starting to wobble. It was clear he could have held it for hours yet if left to stew, but he'd never want Harry to really see him like this, so even if it didn't really work he tried to force something resembling his more normal self as he said, "well, hopefully I get over the delusion that you're fourteen. Obviously you're much older and I just need my eyes checked."

While it was clear he was going for a joke and apology all at the same time, Harry still grumbled mutinously for a bit, wondering if Sirius would reach the same conclusion in his own time.

Ron said in protest that's what his dad had told him, why wouldn't Sirius give them a try?

A grin flashed across Sirius' thin face.

"That's why you need to keep Ron around, it's good to know he can still get to me." Sirius sighed, losing the fight to keep himself tensed for a fight and instead slumping back in his seat, now just looking defeated. It was almost as bad as his anger, like he'd accepted this was his fate to come and he may as well enjoy himself in the meantime.

Everyone else refused to believe that, whatever self-punishment Sirius clearly still felt towards himself had not gone away no matter the farce he put up, but around a dry throat all James could do was what he'd always fall back on. Pick on his best friend. "Oh, now you agree with me, after the fact. Typical of you."

Sirius listlessly stuck his tongue out at him, the gesture more pouting than admitting a point like normal.

He agreed he'd give them a try, pacing back and forth a few more times before beginning.

Remus couldn't stop just the smallest of smiles gracing his features. James and Sirius were so alike sometimes, about things they didn't even realize. Only one instance being that they both tended to pace when they were upset or thinking hard, like the motion helped generate better ideas for them.

He began by recounting how it had felt to the rest of the world for Voldemort to be all powerful, no one to trust and no one to turn to. People did terrible things and no one could stop them.

"Don't have to think too hard to imagine that," Sirius muttered at Harry's side, going slightly cross eyed at himself saying this in past tense. It probably still felt like days ago to an after Azkaban Sirius, where time didn't mean much in that prison except endless torture.

You were scared for yourself, your family, everyone you cared about. Every time you turned around there was more news of death, disappearances, and even torture. The Ministry was not keeping a handle on anything, and Muggles were dying left and right.

There was nothing but panic in everyone.

"You do a lovely painting, I thought James was the artist," Remus quipped at Sirius loudly enough to be heard this time.

Sirius gave him a pleased enough smile, he'd heard that hint of longing in Remus' voice for this to be a past rather than present. James didn't find it nearly as funny, giving him a light swat on his next pass through, but at least he'd tucked his wand away.

Times like that brought out the best in some, and the worst in others.

"Clearly some people shouldn't be in this at all," Lily said flatly.

Crouch had been a rising star from the beginning, a voice for the Ministry that they weren't going to let this stand. He dealt out the harshest punishments on anyone slightly associated with Voldemort, granted powers to Aurors for people to be killed rather than captured. Sirius hadn't been the only one to get sent away without a trial.

Harry couldn't get that out without stuttering a bit, knowing it was foolish to fear for his life from them but it still wasn't passing easily through their ears without inciting more violent outbursts; made all the worse at the realization Sirius wasn't the only one treated like this. Yet more innocent people had likely died in this place because of Crouch!

Crouch fought violence with violence, and authorized the use of the Unforgivable Curses against suspects.

Lily blanched in horror. Talk of that was being passed along now, clearly it had gone through. She had been talking to her boys about this just last week, it was the root of all their snide comments about Crouch following whatever rules he saw fit.

Crouch became as ruthless as those he was fighting. Most seemed to agree with his methods and were begging him to take the top spot. When Voldemort vanished, it seemed obvious Crouch would get just that.

Remus opened his mouth to ask how on earth Sirius would know a thing like that, he'd been in prison by the time that came about, but not only did no one here know the answer, it would only be a sharp reminder in an already ugly room.

Then it all changed when Crouch's own son was brought in with a group of Death Eaters.

Harry got a zing tracing from the peak of his scar, marking all the way down to his toes. That was it, that was the bit of crucial information he was so sure he learned from Sirius. What on earth significant could that hold?

"Crouch has a son?" James asked in surprise, his steps finally faltering as his murderous thoughts were derailed and he was successfully pulled fully back into the story.

"I've never heard that," Lily said in shock. "I mean, sure I don't know the family members of everyone in my department, but I usually at least know who does and doesn't have kids. He's never mentioned it."

"Didn't you hear the rest of that?" Remus asked with disgust. "I can understand why if he's been hanging around Death Eaters, I wouldn't go parading that around in that sort of job."

Maybe before they'd have felt bad for Crouch, none of them could imagine what it would feel like for Harry to turn to Voldemort's side, but now that they knew what Crouch would indubitably do, all they felt was more hatred for the guy. He was clearly making examples out of others to show distance from his child, most likely why he'd never even mentioned him. That fallout had landed on Sirius for one.

Hermione was shocked to hear Crouch has a son?

Sirius agreed, while throwing himself back into the dirt. He tossed all his leftover bones to Buckbeak, while he continued saying it had come as a nasty shock for Crouch's own family to be pushed into the spotlight like that. It was probably his own fault, he should have gone home early for once and spent time with his own kid.

He then found the loaf of bread and began wolfing that down.

"I don't think I eat like Moony?" Sirius told Harry innocently, now receiving a slap from James as he passed him next. Sirius didn't regret it, as the lame joke finally ceased his best friend's incessant tread and he slammed back down on Harry's other side mutinously.

"Oh give that back," he grumbled, offering his hand out while Harry watched him uneasily. "I might need it to crack his head open next."

Harry gave it back, a little too willingly in Sirius' heads opinion, and James forced himself to continue reading. He still wasn't happy about it, but wearing out the carpet wasn't helping him, at least this way he could read past Sirius' insistent jokes rather than letting Harry laugh at them like he was prone to do.

Harry asked if his son really was a Death Eater?

For some reason Harry wanted to laugh at the question from himself, something in him clamoring to say that was obvious, of course he was, but the feeling subsided instantly and Harry was instead left listening to the blistering tones of James forcing himself to read about Crouch's personal life rather than him being burned alive.

Sirius said he had no clue if he'd really been, while stuffing himself with bread.

"You're going to make yourself sick," Lily couldn't help but scold maternally. "You've gone from hardly eating a thing to a lot of greasy and heavy foods. What good's that going to do you?"

"Yes mum," Sirius rolled his eyes at her, trying to hide his flashing smile.

He was in Azkaban when the guy was brought in,

James could not ever get that out without some interesting colorful tones threatening violence and death for that having to be a thing.

this was all stuff he'd found out after he'd escaped.

Remus still wanted to ask where that could have been from, even vaguely hoping it could have been from himself though unlikely as he didn't particularly keep up with politics, but then again Remus like to think he'd have at least kept an eye on Crouch; the man who did this to Sirius. Was that giving himself too much credit, since he clearly hadn't cared a lick for Sirius during this time? Great, now he was depressing himself as much as he was over Sirius.

The boy was certainly caught in the company Sirius would bet his life were Death Eaters, but it could have been wrong place, wrong time like the elf.

"Surprised you used a house-elf over yourself in that instance," Lily whispered softly.

Sirius watched her steadily for a moment, his expression hard to read as he told, "I got caught because I didn't run Lily, that's hardly wrong time and place."

His face spasmed, showing the deep regret and hate he had for himself, letting himself get caught, this stupid situation still falling on him though that rat had set everything in motion. He controlled himself quick enough, that cocky mask back in place as he added on to egg her on, "thought that would have given me some brownie points from you? I just compared myself to a lowly house-elf."

She shook her head fondly at him, she wasn't going to rise to Sirius' bait.

Hermione asked how hard Crouch had tried to get his son off?

Sirius let out a sharp bark of laughter.

"Always a warning of trouble," Remus muttered.

Sirius grinned and gave Harry a wink, he'd never thought to describe his type of laugh like that, but he loved Harry putting it like that for him.

Telling her he'd thought she realized better.

"I would have thought he'd think more of his child than his elf," Lily squeaked. She hadn't gained back any of her normal color tone, the fresh news of Sirius' incarceration still heavy on everyone, but still she somehow managed to look all the worse at this news.

"I'm not even going to pretend to be surprised," James muttered lowly, he now knew he'd never put anything past Crouch after what he'd just had further evidence of.

Crouch's fatherly affection stretched just far enough to give his son a trial,

"Oh well hallelujah he gives someone one!" Remus snapped instantly, his spine threatening to crack in half he jerked so hard at that statement.

and the whole show had been so everyone could see how much he hated the boy before he was given to the dementors.

Sirius read the shock on Harry's face and nodded along, not looking remotely amused as he told how they'd brought him right past his own bars.

James made a sound like a kicked puppy, the image swimming before his eyes of Sirius' wasted face having to look through bars and watch all of this, hearing the screams of this guy shouting all this. He shook himself so hard to shake that off he nearly tossed his glasses across the room and forced himself to keep going, anything to focus on rather than that.

He'd couldn't have been more than nineteen, screaming for his mother to help him, but he'd gone quiet by nightfall, most of them did. Except the ones who continued even in their sleep.

Sirius couldn't pretend anymore. He'd been trying to force this off since he'd found out what Crouch had done to him, but everything in him was crumbling at the dead way James was reading that. He started shaking so violently the couch trembled with him, his fingers digging into the cushion to anchor him to this life right here, and they'd have to wrench it away from his limp fingers before he wound up like that.

Harry didn't even think about it this time as he wormed up to Sirius, pulling him into a hug for protection, but words failed him. He still held a deep sense of regret whenever he thought too hard about comforting Sirius, something in Harry telling him his godfather was doomed which wasn't a pleasant thing at all to be considering in light of this.

Lily reacted much better, scrambling to her feet and perching on the arm of the sofa, running her nails gently through his hair and promising, "It's alright Padfoot, that's not happening."

The oddity of Lily calling him that managed to win out, his movements going from violent shaking, to jerking, and finally stilling. He remained hunched in on himself, hardly speaking loud enough, "I don't want to end up like that."

"You won't," Remus croaked, even that had been hard to force out past his tight chest, but it was worth it when Sirius glanced up at him. His dark gray eyes were at war, he wanted to believe him but the image had trapped him better than any Devil's Snare.

Remus sighed, he knew he would regret what he was fixing to do, but at this point he'd suffer for it just to take that look off of his friends face. He gave James a steady look as he sated, "I'm serious."

James reacted almost instantly, some things really never died as he remarked, "Nope, he is," giving Sirius a winning smile.

Sirius blinked spastically at the pair of them before tackling both of them with a hug, then laughing his arse of as he declared, "you haven't done that since first year!" It was mostly for show, but Sirius would rather pet a dragon than let his friends get away with doing this.

"That joke wore off after Christmas, you were the only one who wouldn't let it go after the fact," Remus reminded.

Still not completely able to hide swimming eyes, Sirius forced himself back to his seat and caught Lily before she could sneak away. "Thanks sis," without a hint of mocking.

She met his eyes steadily, while flicking his nose like scolding a dog and saying, "you're welcome love."

Sirius rubbed absently at his nose, but knew he'd take that over the wallop he knew she owed him.

James watched Sirius steadily for a few moments longer, but he considered it mission accomplished when his best friend turned back to him expectantly, waving his hand theatrically for James to continue. James knew a farce when he saw one, Sirius was still on the verge of a real panic attack again at his life heading towards that prison, but James would be remiss if he just sat here and let Sirius wallow in that instead of finding something else to do.

For a moment, the deadened look in Sirius' eyes became more pronounced than ever, as though shutters had closed behind them.

No one in here needed to picture that, they'd just gotten the live version, and hoped to never see it again. That fact that he was all alone in there, with no one to really turn that light back on, caused the room to feel as if it had been iced over already with a dementors presence.

Harry asked if he was still in Azkaban, and Sirius corrected he was dead. Died less than a year after he'd been brought in.

At their surprise, Sirius bitterly agreed most who went mad in there, stopped eating soon enough.

Sirius suddenly wasn't Sirius anymore, but instead had poofed into Padfoot for no clear reason other than to bark in Harry's ear, lunge across his lap and lick obstinately at James' ear, and then start running around the room, only pausing to occasionally bite at his tail. The others weren't sure whether to laugh or call for a Mediwizard, whether it would have worked or not, as they wondered if he'd really just snapped, but then he froze, fur bristling at James. James more than anyone was used to figuring out silent language, and the intent was clear, 'get on with it.'

He couldn't believe himself when he actually managed a weak chuckle, but he supposed the logic was sound. Sirius had survived that place as Padfoot for twelve years, he clearly felt he was only going to get through the rest of this mess in the same state.

Most lost the will to live, and you could always tell when a death was coming, it was when the dementors got the most excited.

Remus had never wished to be Moony in his life, but he suddenly envied Sirius. He still understood what they were saying, as he kept his tail high in the air and sniffed at Remus' boots most likely out of sheer something else to do with himself, but it was in a more simplistic nature filtered through those ears. He could still process everything being said and yet not have to face a reaction, something they all were wishing for by this time.

Crouch's boy had looked sick enough being brought in. His father's position being what it was, Crouch and his wife had been allowed a visit to the deathbed. That was the last time Crouch saw his son, half carrying his dead wife past Sirius' own cell.

If Harry hadn't been so distracted watching Padfoot suddenly leap onto his lap, which he was far too big for, Harry knew he would have considered much more carefully the significance of that.

James reached over absently and gave Sirius a mock pat on the head, a silent promise this was all almost over.

Mrs. Crouch had died not long after, grief most likely. Crouch had never come again for his son's body, and the dementors had buried it just outside the prison, Sirius had watched them do it.

James was entirely sure that was bile slicking over his tongue, his hand suddenly trembling in the fur. The distraction of the wet tongue lapping at his fingers, and then Sirius leaping cleanly over the table to start chasing his tail again the only thing that saved another vomiting session appearing. James was sorely tempted by this point to pass the book to Harry and join him as Prongs, on his life he'd never forced himself to read anything as painful as Sirius recounting his time in Azkaban.

Harry had no want to ask about Azkaban when it had been such a horrid topic for Sirius, but the question had lingered in the back of his mind so he figured he could ask now, which seemed fairer than later when he'd have to see Sirius' face again. "If only prisoners and Dementors are in Azkaban, how does that work? How do the prisoners get fed, and like go to the bathroom and stuff?"

"There's bathrooms in the cells, and the food's shipped in," Lily sighed heavily, building up a mental rant in her head she was going to save for Sirius' human ears about him tearing around her carpet with those huge feet that had unclipped claws on the end. If he tore stitches out of her rug, she was going to make him repair that without magic.

Harry did not press for more, knowing he'd pushed his luck for now when James kept going without waiting to see if Harry was done for once.

Sirius didn't bother finishing what was left of his bread, throwing that to Buckbeak as well as he went for the pumpkin juice and draining half of it in one long gulp.

Wiping the rest off his lips, he continued explaining that Crouch had lost all his popularity in that one move. Going from the hero, to the town gossip. People judged him for what had become of his son, thinking if he'd spent more time with him he wouldn't have turned out like that.

"I believe that," Remus said at once, he couldn't wrap his mind around Crouch caring about anything ever again. Not after all this.

So now Fudge had the job, and Crouch was shunted to another department.

Silence beat through the cave after all that. Harry felt he finally understood Crouch's overreaction to finding Winky under the Dark Mark.

"Makes a twisted amount of sense," Lily sighed in agreement.

He'd probably been having flashbacks to a time when his own son had been accused of the same Dark Arts.

Harry told Sirius about how Moody thought Crouch was obsessed with catching Dark wizards.

Sirius nodded along, saying that didn't surprise him. Sirius guessed Crouch was under the delusion if he caught just one more Death Eater, his name would be popular again.

"Let's hope it's a real one, and not just a name," James murmured to himself, keeping an eye on the dog that was finally pretending like he was going to settle, stretching out in front of the fire and closing his eyes, but keeping his ears perked and listening. The message was clear, he'd change back when the chapter was over, he wasn't risking anything else until otherwise.

Ron finished with triumph that was the reason he'd gone into Snape's office.

"Triumphantly?" Remus tore his own protective eyes away from Padfoot to look curiously at James and the book. "What did Ron just latch onto?"

"You're clearly not following along anymore," Lily snorted at him. "Ron's as convinced as we are Snape's a Death Eater, and I can't say I'll be displeased if Crouch does put him away for it," she finished nastily.

"I got that," he waved her off, "but was anyone disagreeing for him to be throwing that around?"

Lily shrugged without response for that.

Sirius shook his head and said that didn't make any sense.

"Apparently Sirius is," Harry noted, looking to his godfather in surprise, who was still pretending he was asleep, clearly not even up to defending himself and still content to let the book do it.

Ron tried to argue back, but Sirius waved him down, pointing out if Crouch wanted to spy on Snape he'd have the perfect opportunity by coming to all these Hogwarts events.

A sharp breath of air was released from the wet slit nostrils, if a dog could be quietly yet smugly triumphant Padfoot was doing it.

"Oh hush you," James sighed without looking up, "if you were thinking it, you should have said it."

Harry asked if Sirius thought Snape was up to anything?

Hermione pointed out Dumbledore clearly trusted Snape,

"And that means nothing to us," Lily said bitterly, her temper flaring at the mention of his name as well as Crouch's.

but Ron cut her off by saying as brilliant as Dumbledore was, it didn't mean a Dark wizard couldn't pull one over on him.

She shot back why had Snape saved Harry's life in first year then?

"Things change," James snapped sourly, "Voldemort hadn't been on the verge of a comeback then. Clearly his priorities went from hating me yet still heeding being a teacher, to appeasing Riddle."

One sharp bark of a laughter came from Padfoot, his tail wagging from side to side a bit at that.

"I remember agreeing to call him that," Remus smirked at James as well. "I'm glad you didn't let us forget."

Harry cut off their argument by asking Sirius' opinion, which shut the other two up.

Lily pressed her fingers to her lips to hide her smile, she wasn't going to let Sirius see how amusing she found it Sirius had managed to stop those kids picking at each other, when Sirius was the source of nearly every fight going on in here.

Sirius admitted they both had a good point. He'd been blasted to find out Snape was working at Hogwarts, he'd always been fascinated by the Dark Arts even as a slimy little kid.

"He just hit the tip of the iceberg," Remus shook his head fondly. "I've heard worse things from him on his good days about Snape." Clearly Sirius was still as lost in his own thoughts in that time to have used such mild insults.

Snape had known more curses coming into that school than some seventh years, and his gang of Slytherin friends had all turned into Death Eaters.

Lily bit at the inside of her cheek, pain welling up inside her chest as she fought to try and say otherwise. Even though she knew the truth, it still hurt that had ended up being so true.

He began ticking off those old names, Rosier and Wilkes who were killed by Aurors after Voldemort fell,

"Wicked," the three Order members suddenly perked up at that information, any failed Death Eaters was good news for them, especially in light of the fact they'd yet to come across a single member of their own group who'd survived past Voldemort's downfall as well.

the Lestranges who were a married couple in Azkaban,

Sirius made a 'humph' noise from his spot on the hearth, and Harry didn't need a translator to realize Sirius was adamantly saying they more than deserved it.

Avery, who'd talked himself out of a cell by saying he'd been under the Imperius curse.

"Something else that will be fixed," Lily's eyes flashed in outrage at hearing of this happening, again.

Yet Snape had never even been accused. This didn't mean much, plenty of them were never even suspected, and Snape was clever enough to keep himself out.

"That's got to be the nicest thing he's ever said about him," James shook his head in disgust.

"We never underestimated him," Remus reminded, "you were the one who near constantly reminded us to keep our checks up for him, he was the quickest to grow wise to when we were up to something. That falls under clever, to keep up with us."

"You boys fascinate me, with the amount of arrogance you hold. How the castle held your fat heads I'll never know," Lily pleasantly informed them while James smirked and Sirius' shoulders shook in silent laughter.

Ron pointed out how Snape and Karkaroff knew each other, but were trying to keep that quiet.

Harry told Sirius what he'd seen yesterday, about how they were upset about something on Karkaroff's arm.

Sirius seemed bewildered about the arm comment,

"Darn," James sighed, "Sirius has actually been a wealth of information so far," most of it something none of them would ever want to hear again, they all mentally agreed, "yet you couldn't answer that one."

It wasn't physically possible for a dog to actually 'stick' its tongue out at anyone, but the pink muscle lolling out of the side of his mouth was point enough.

but said that if Karkaroff was running to Snape for answers, that couldn't be good. He lapsed into a frustrated silence for a moment before continuing that if Dumbledore trusted Snape, than they had to trust Dumbledore for now. Sirius just couldn't see Dumbledore hiring anyone who once worked for Voldemort.

That spiked some different feelings in everyone. Remus threw Sirius a grateful look, unbelievably happy that at least someone other than him was at least still trying to hold out hope Dumbledore wasn't completely this thing putting them through hell.

James and Lily weren't entirely sure they agreed with that assessment, they were absolutely convinced Snape had been a Death Eater at some point, and for Dumbledore not to know was not possible. Yet the headmaster must have some profound reasoning then for keeping Snape an employee. What those reasons were though, they still weren't getting an answer.

Sirius shifted his weight around, his dark gray eyes reflecting back the firelight and causing some dancing shadows to pattern back on the walls in a rather eerie fashion. Harry's mind flashed back to when he'd feared this sight, and knew this would have at one point caused him heart failure to see the Grim so casually watching this room. Now Harry instead forced his mind to get away from that question he was sure he had an answer to, and instead wondered what it must feel like for a tongue to be scraping so harshly over canines and if that hurt while his large body panted next to the heat.

Ron insisted there must be a reason Crouch and Moody were going through Snape's office.

"Got to give him credit," James shook his head fondly, "I give anyone points who fights back with Sirius."

"You're giving yourself too much credit," Lily snipped back, "he's hardly the mastermind you seem to think."

Sirius made a yip noise of protest, but Lily just glared back at him. The message was clear, she wasn't taking it back unless he changed back.

He stood up, spun in a circle, and plopped back down with his back to them instead like a pouting child.

"I was actually speaking of you dear," James told his wife while watching Padfoot with worry growing eyes. They'd moved past the Azkaban talk, and James was really starting to want his best friend back. "I've never met anyone so willing to verbally spar with him."

"Flatterer," she scolded with a quirk of her lips.

Sirius agreed Moody wasn't something to underestimate, but he'd always been fair. Hauled in anyone he could get away with and tried not to resort to violence. Crouch though, that was a different story. If he wasn't ill, what was he playing at? What's he been doing rather than attending the schools event?

"He just managed to ask every question we have been this whole time," Remus rolled his eyes in exasperation.

They all stayed silent for a time after that, the only noise Buckbeak snooping around for any bones he'd missed.

Sirius was the first to break the silence, turning to Ron and asking about Percy, wondering if Ron could send a message to him asking about any news from Crouch?

"I'd think he's already been asked that a dozen times over," Lily scoffed. "If he's in charge of the department, he would have told someone by now if he'd actually seen his boss."

"Maybe he might mention something to Ron though," Remus shrugged in Sirius' defense.

Ron agreed he'd try.

Sirius also suggested dropping a question about Bertha, see if there was any more recent news on her.

Harry told about Bagman telling him more recently there wasn't.

Sirius said he wasn't going to take Bagman at word, he'd been quoted saying how bad he thought of Bertha's memory. Sirius though had known her differently, she'd been in school at the same time as him, and she'd had an excellent use of her memory by dishing out the school's gossip.

Harry remembered back to Bertha being mentioned in the same light in here, and Harry had a feeling it wasn't Sirius' memories or Bertha that was different. It was most likely in fact, something very important about her memories that got her into so much trouble...

He could easily picture her being a liability to the Ministry, which is why it may have taken them so long to go looking for her.

He cut himself off with a weary shake of his head, asking what time it was?

Hermione told it was half past three, and Sirius told them to get back to school. Then he gave Harry a particularly hard look,

Harry tried to look innocent of whatever he was sure Sirius was fixing to tell him, which wasn't fooling anyone, not even the canine who managed another huffing laugh with his back still turned to the lot of them.

as he told them not to come back out here unless Sirius said to. Just keep sending notes, he still wanted to hear if anything else odd was happening. They were not to go wandering around out here though, it would be too easy for them to be attacked.

"I love paranoid Sirius," Lily said sincerely, starting to feel some worry herself, she wasn't used to not hearing Sirius speak for so long. "He actually gives good advice."

Sirius gave her a happy little wag of his tail for that.

Harry shot back the only danger he'd been in this year was from a dragon and a grindylow.

Sirius scowled at Harry, telling him not to get lax. He wasn't going to be breathing easily until this was over in June. Then he added on not to go calling him by name in public, and instead they should use Snuffles.

Three collective snorts of laughter appeared for that, Sirius was even so distracted he rolled over to watch them laugh at this.

"I think I get it," Lily said with a small smile. "Sirius told Harry to call him that because he and Remus are the only ones who would understand who that's referring to."

Remus was frowning in consternation, thinking over in his head what all Sirius and Harry had and could be writing to each other over, and grudgingly saying, "yeah, I guess, and if he's thinking of hiding it from a certain someone," he got out through only slightly gritted teeth, "I guess it would make sense not to go with Padfoot."

James wasn't nearly as amused at the reminder for the secrecy, and in all honesty he was entirely certain that rat could pick up on Sirius' handwriting if anything so it still wasn't much use in hiding it from him if he was trying to intercept their letters, but he wasn't going to knock his best friend's paranoia either.

He gave Harry back his bag and said he'd walk with them back to Hogsmeade, try to find another newspaper.

He turned back into the black dog and led the way back down to the stile. He waited patiently as they each gave him a pat on the head, before he vanished back into the shadows.

Harry felt something very heavy sinking down into the pit of him. Somehow, he just knew the next time he saw his godfather wasn't going to be a good thing...

The others weren't feeling much better, each wanting to rub it in that they'd been right all along, Sirius coming back around had been more terrible than anything, though ironically the worst on the man himself.

Padfoot was stretching leisurely and getting back to his feet, shaking himself off as he watched James fingering the last page of this chapter.

The three of them headed back to Hogwarts, Ron asking if Percy knew all that stuff about Crouch?

"I really wouldn't think so," Lily frowned to herself, "I can't help thinking that isn't common knowledge. Crouch would want to keep that as hushed up as possible, and if he didn't talk about his family much before, I wouldn't think he would afterwards."

Then answering himself that he probably wouldn't care, he'd just admire Crouch more for it.

"That's disgusting," Remus yelped in shock. "Ron can't really mean that," his mind had instantly flashed back to the panicky older brother, sobbing and dragging his kid brother out of an icy lake after thinking something had happened to him.

"Yeah, I think Ron's exaggerating on this one," James agreed sadly. "Even Percy's not that bad."

Harry felt a bone deep shiver that he in no way wanted to pretend to process. Surely he was just getting a chill from sitting still so long...Percy would never turn his back on his family like that...

Hermione was shocked at him, telling him Percy would never hand over his family to dementors.

Ron shrugged her off, saying he just might if they stood in the way of his career.

"Oh please stop," Lily whispered as Padfoot froze in place. It was clear he'd been fixing to change back to a person, but at one last mention of those dementors, he released a high pitched keening noise and roughly shook his head as if to scare off a gnat.

They walked back to the smells of dinner starting, and Ron told Harry how much he should appreciate poor Snuffles, living off of rats just to be around.

"That's the least awful thing I've heard about myself recently," Sirius grumbled as he stumbled slightly on his two feet, before going over to James and taking the book away.

HPHPHPHP

I promise Padfoot popping up like that won't become a regular occurrence, no matter how much I loved writing like that, but I can't say he won't ever come back either...

*That whole conversation happened between me and nahte123456.

[ryqoshay]

Tri-Arame: Study All Day?

Primary Pairing Trio: YuuAyuSetsu Words: ~3k Rating: G Time Frame: Their first week of college Story Arc: Setsu’s Ceaseless Study Session Study All Day? Study All Night? A Nap a Day

----------

Author’s Note: Oh gods, I’m only a novel’s length into this fic and I’m already coming up with stuff that is going to force me to make retcons... because deities forbid I write my works in a normal, chronological order.

Also, apologies in advance to any Haruhi fans if this arc triggers any Endless Eight PTSD...

Also also, I bounce back and forth between focusing on Setsu and Ayu in this arc. I don’t think I’ve made the switch in the middle of any particular scene, but I do hope it’s obvious when the switches are made between scenes.

----------

Ayumu felt it coming but was unable to suppress the yawn from escaping.

“Excuse me.” She murmured, not wanting to disturb the other two girls at the table.

Yuu glanced over with a quick smile before returning her attention to her laptop. She probably hadn’t heard Ayumu through her headphones, but probably saw the movement out of the corner of her eye.

“Mm.” Was all of Setsuna’s response as she focused on her studies.

Ayumu tapped her phone screen to check the time and blinked when she realized how late it was. Well, she was certainly about to disturb them now. She closed her book and pushed herself out from under the kotatsu.

“Going to bed, Ayumu?” Yuu asked, sliding her headphones off one ear.

“Yeah.” Ayumu confirmed with a nod.

“Oh, sorry,” Setsuna looked up “give me a moment to clean up.”

“You can stay if you want, Setsuna-chan.” Ayumu said with a smile.

“You sure?”

“Of course. You should study where you are must comfortable and where you are free of distractions.” A thought occurred to Ayumu. “Me sleeping nearby won’t disturb you, right?”

“I don’t think so.” Setsuna replied. “And I do like studying here…”

“All the more reason to stay. Just don’t stay up too late.”

“I won’t. Thank you, Ayumu-san. Good night.”

“Good night.” Ayumu said as she moved to her bed and climbed in.

“Sleep well, Ayumu.” Yuu added.

“Mm…”

“I’ll stay up with you for a little while longer, Setsuna-chan.” Yuu offered.

Setsuna replied with a smile before resuming her studies.

As Ayumu closed her eyes, her thoughts turned to recent events. Today had been the first day of classes for the three of them. She and Yuu were attending in-person classes while Setsuna was enrolled in an online university that more easily allowed her to divide her time between her new career as a professional idol and her studies.

The online courses were not based on the standard trimester system, rather a student progressed as fast or as slow as they desired, with a certain minimum pace expected. Once a student proved their competency in the material, they could move on to the next class. Ayumu was very happy Setsuna had found a way to please her parents by earning a degree without needing to only attend class part time and thus need extra time. However, she couldn’t help being concerned that the often overly ambitious girl would push herself too much.

In any case, Ayumu had said her piece for the night. She hoped Setsuna would heed her suggestion and turn in at a reasonable time.

----------

Ayumu stirred when there was movement on the mattress. She cracked open one eye to see Yuu sliding under the duvet beside her. Yuu murmured something unintelligible before releasing a content sigh and settling down.

Ayumu felt a smile tug at her lips as fond memories drifted through her mind. She and Yuu had many sleepovers throughout the years, usually at Ayumu’s apartment as Yuu’s couch was nowhere near as comfortable trying to fit them both, even as children. Though Yuu usually turned in at the same time as Ayumu, it was not completely uncommon for her to be engrossed in some activity, book, game or whatever, that she would stay up later. She would then crawl under the covers, collapse beside Ayumu, mumble something and be asleep in seconds.

The frequency of their sleepovers had dwindled a bit once they entered high school, due in no small part to Ayumu thinking of the practice as childish and that she should leave such things behind. Then when Yuu joined the music course, she started spending far too many nights writing songs for the idol club and the practice stopped altogether.

It ended up being Setsuna who revived their old routine by seeking places to watch anime away from home, even after her parents lifted their ban. She had come to prefer watching with friends and Ayumu and Yuu were happy to oblige. Many nights went a bit too long, so Ayumu would pull out futons for her guests, though Yuu always ended up in her bed anyway.

And now they were starting off their college careers with a sleepover. Or at least Yuu was…

Ayumu craned her neck up enough to see over Yuu’s head. She quickly spotted Setsuna, still sitting at the kotatsu, face lit by the artificial light of her laptop and eyes fervently scanning the screen.

“Remember not to stay up too late, Setsuna-chan.” Ayumu called out softly.

“Mm…” Setsuna hummed and nodded, seeming to have barely registered the call through her focus.

Ayumu closed her eyes again and settled back down. Should she have set out a futon for Setsuna? Her room was the next one over, a scant few meters between their doors instead of kilometers that required a train ride. She would be fine. Probably.

----------

Ayumu opened her eyes to the sound her alarm and reached up to the shelf of her headboard to find her phone. Beside her, Yuu stirred, but otherwise did not wake. Ayumu smiled at the sight of her childhood friend and admired the scene for a moment before sitting up.

Movement from elsewhere in the room caught her eye. Setsuna was pushing herself up from where she had apparently slept, sprawled on the kotatsu.

“Good morning, Setsuna-chan.” Ayumu greeted.

Setsuna yawned and stretched her arms up high before turning her attention to the nearby bed. “Good morning, Ayumu-san.” She said before opening her laptop, likely to resume studying.

“How late did you stay up?”

“I’m not honestly sure.” Setsuna admitted. “I… don’t remember closing my laptop or even falling asleep. Sorry for not going back to my room.”

“You’re fine.” Ayumu assured. “You’re always welcome. But I do have a futon and extra pillows you could use. Surly those would have been more comfortable than hunched over the table.”

“Hrm…”

“I just don’t want you to be sore for your practice later.”

Setsuna rubbed at her shoulder. “I guess I will have to do some extra stretches…”

Part of Ayumu wanted to offer a shoulder massage, but the other part was concerned about getting to class on time. As such, she remained quite as she climbed up over Yuu and out of bed.

“Anything in particular you want for breakfast, Setsuna-chan?”

“I’m sure whatever you make will be delicious.”

“Alright.” Ayumu nodded and made her way to the kitchenette.

Ayumu remembered from cooking classes that eggs were on the list of foods that were supposed to help with concentration and memory, perfect for all the studying the three had in store for the week. She mentally scanned through the other items, most of which were not easy to keep in the limited space of a couple cupboards, a counter and a tiny fridge. There were a few things, however…

“Coffee or tea?” Ayumu directed the question to her studying friend, trying to remember what she drank in the morning after their sleepovers.

“I’m fine with whatever you’re already making.”

“Well, I’m making both since I prefer tea and Yuu-chan likes coffee.”

“Coffee then, thank you.”

“Alright.”

Not long after the coffee began brewing, Ayu heard Yuu stir and start to finally wake up.

“Good morning, Ayumu, Setsuna-chan.” Yuu greeted before yawning.

The other two occupants returned similar greetings as she slid out of bed and started doing something on her laptop. Ayumu delivered steaming mugs of caffeine before finishing up the morning meal and bringing that to the table as well. Yuu and Ayumu chatted casually as they ate while Setsuna’s attention rarely left her screen. Finally, the three went to wash up, get changed and ready for the day.

“Well, I’m heading out.” Ayumu announced, heading toward the entryway to put on her shoes.

“I’ll come with you.” Yuu said, joining her.

“Are you sure? You’re classes don’t start until well after mine.”

“I know, but I’ve always gone to school with Ayumu.” Yuu grinned. “Why should college be any different just because our classes start at different times?”

Ayumu smiled as well as she realized she couldn’t refute that, not that she would have wanted to anyway.

“You’re welcome to stay here as long as you like, Setsuna-chan.” Ayumu said to her other friend. “As I said last night, you should study wherever you’re most comfortable.”

Setsuna looked up from her work for a moment. “Thank you, Ayumu-san. I’ll be sure to lock up when I head to the studio later.”

“Have fun at practice!” Yuu called, stepping out the door.

“Will do.” Setsuna nodded.

“See you this evening.” Ayumu added.

“Mm.” Setsuna hummed a happy reply.

----------

“Welcome back, Setsuna-chan.” Ayumu greeted as the raven-haired girl entered.

“I’m back.” She replied.

“Practice go well?” Yuu asked from the kitchenette area.

“Very much so.” Setsuna affirmed. “Something smells delicious.” She commented as she began to remove her shoes.

“I hope it tastes as good as it smells.” Yuu replied.

“I’m sure it will be good.” Setsuna made her way to her usual spot at the kotatsu.

“This is the first time Yuu-chan has made a meal on her own.” Ayumu pointed out.

“I stand by my statement.”

“I didn’t mean it as an insult.” Ayumu laughed lightly before leaning forward across the table and lowering her voice. “I’m just a little surprised that she took the initiative. Maybe she’s been inspired by your drive in your studies and wants to do more on her own as well?”

“Or she wants to thank you for all the cooking you’ve been doing since we moved in?” Setsuna postulated in return.

“Maybe.” Ayumu admitted “But Yuu-chan should know by now that I enjoy cooking for her. And you as well, Setsuna-chan. I like watching you two eat what I’ve made for you.”

“Then perhaps she wants to experience that as well. We both know how much Yuu-san loves seeing people enjoy the songs she writes. Maybe now she wants the same with cooking.”

“Or maybe all three.”

Setsuna chuckled. “Maybe all three.”

“All three what?” Yuu asked, approaching the table with a serving dish full of food. “Wha’cha talking about?”

“Mm, nothing.” Ayumu hummed. “We were just talking about Yuu-chan.”

“Me? What about me?”

“I’ll tell you later. Maybe.” Ayumu stuck out her tongue.

“Mohh…” Yuu pouted but didn’t press the issue.

For her part, Setsuna enjoyed the rare reversal of roles as Ayumu managed to get some teasing in on Yuu. She admired how comfortable the two were with each other and how they knew just what to say or do to get an adorable reaction out of the other. It was a bit enviable, to say the least. As close as she had become to them over the past couple years, she was nowhere near that level. That hadn’t stopped Yuu from learning how to tease her, however.

Once portions were plated up, Setsuna opened her laptop and began to study. The meal was indeed as good as it had smelled, so Ayumu and Setsuna were sure to point this out, much to Yuu’s delight. Then, the other two continued to chat and hangout while Setsuna studied, before eventually joining her with their own.

----------

“Are you going to take a bath tonight, Setsuna-chan?” Ayumu asked.

Setsuna looked up from her screen. Had it really gotten that late already? She realized both Ayumu and Yuu had already returned from their own bathes and she hadn’t even noticed their absence.

“Right, uhm, sorry.” Setsuna replied, getting up.

“It’s fine.” Ayumu sounded a bit confused about the apology as she plugged in her hairdryer and knelt behind Yuu. “I’ll dry your hair when you get back.”

Setsuna nodded her agreement and made a hasty trip to her room to gather her bathing supplies and her pajamas. Not only did she want to return to her studies quickly, but it had been a while since Ayumu last worked with her hair and months since she last dried it during a sleepover, so she was anxious for that as well.

Upon her return, Setsuna sat in front of her laptop and found where she had left off.

“You’re going to study while I do this?” Ayumu inquired, taking a position behind her.

“Uhm, I had planned to…” Setsuna admitted. “I’m sorry, I can…”

Ayumu laughed lightly. “It’s fine. I really admire your dedication, Setsuna-chan.”

“I want to prove to my parents that I can be an idol and still earn a degree.”

“I know.” Ayumu patted a reassuring hand on her shoulder. “Just be sure not to overdo it, alright?” She said, turning on the dryer and threading her fingers into dark strands of hair.

Setsuna lost her place as her finger clipped the scroll wheel of her mouse. She had almost forgotten how wonderful this felt; the warm air, the gentle strokes…

“You alright, Setsuna-chan?”

“I’m fine, I’m just…” She let out a content sigh and her shoulders slumped as Ayumu made another pass.

Ayumu giggled.

Setsuna felt heat in her cheeks that had nothing to do with the air from the dryer. She steeled herself and put every effort toward concentrating on the screen.

Once Ayumu finished with Setsuna’s hair, she moved to her usual spot at the table so she could get in a bit of studying as well. Then after about an hour or so, she yawned, closed her book and pushed herself out from under the kotatsu.

“I’m going to turn in.” Ayumu said, making her way to her bed.

“Good night, Ayumu-san.” Setsuna replied.

“Sleep well.” Yuu added.

----------

Ayumu stirred when there was movement on the mattress. She cracked open one eye to see Yuu sliding under the duvet beside her. Yuu murmured something unintelligible before releasing a content sigh and settling down. Déjà vu.

Ayumu craned her neck up enough to see over Yuu’s head. She quickly spotted Setsuna, still sitting at the kotatsu, face lit by the artificial light of her laptop and eyes fervently scanning the screen.

“Remember not to stay up too late, Setsuna-chan.” Ayumu called out softly.

“Mm…” Setsuna hummed and nodded, seeming to have barely registered the call through her focus.

Déjà vu again.

Well, at least tonight, Ayumu consoled herself with the fact that she had pulled out a futon for Setsuna to use. Granted, it was still folded up in the corner, but the study-o-holic girl should be able to handle moving the table to make room for it.

----------

Ayumu opened her eyes to the sound her alarm and reached up to the shelf of her headboard to find her phone. As her senses kicked in, she realized something felt off. She was the only one in her bed. Where was Yuu?

For that matter, where was Setsuna? Ayumu could see a still-folded futon in the corner and did not see the familiar sight of Setsuna also waking to the alarm. What happened last night?

All week, Yuu had stayed up to study and keep Setsuna company while Ayumu went to bed as she had the earliest classes. All week, Yuu had slid into Ayumu’s bed when she finally ran out of energy. And all week, despite a futon being available for her to lay out, Setsuna had exhausted herself to the point where she had simply collapsed across the kotatsu.

But now Ayumu was alone and a strange sensation of discomfort began to creep through her.

She sat up, moved to the edge of the bed, swung her leg down and…

“?!”

Ayumu jerked her knees up to barely avoid kicking Yuu in the head. To maintain her balance, she dropped her heels down onto the bedframe, making sure to keep her feet away from the other girl’s face.

Sprawled on her back, Yuu was sound asleep. With her legs under the kotatsu, it looked like she had simply collapsed backward after running herself out of energy.

And there was Setsuna as well, nuzzled into Yuu’s shoulder.

Cute.

By the gods were they cute like that.

But, oh… geez, here comes the jealousy… Ayumu found herself wanting Setsuna to snuggle against her like that. And for that matter, why hadn’t Yuu done so any of the times she had crawled in next to her all week?

Yuu and Setsuna had become quite close as of late. Perhaps that was why Setsuna wanted to sleep next to Yuu? But she and Setsuna had become close too, right?

And why hadn’t Setsuna awakened to the alarm like she had all week? Was she just that comfortable nuzzled into Yuu’s shoulder?

Geez…

Ayumu swallowed down those disquieting feelings and got up. As quietly as possible, she began to gather her things to head to the bathroom and wash up for the day.

“Eh?” a voice sounded from behind her followed but a thump. “Geh…”

Ayumu turned to see Setsuna frantically scrambling out from under the kotatsu before rubbing a hip and wincing.

“Are you alright, Setsuna-chan?” Ayumu asked, noting that several objects on the table had shifted position.

“A-Ayumu-san?” Setsuna was still panicked. “I-I’m sorry. I don’t remember. How did I? What… I’m sorry…”

“Mmhph…” Yuu stirred and slowly opened her eyes. “G’mornin’ Ayumu…” She slurred as her gaze fell on the redhead before offering a sleepy smile.

“Yuu-san, I’m sorry!” Setsuna redirected her apologies.

“Mm?” Yuu’s head lolled to the side. “Oh, hey, Setsuna-chan. Good morning.” Had she not heard the other girl’s apology? “Ow…” Yuu uttered as she banged her hands into the bed while trying to stretch. “Forgot where I fell asleep.” She chuckled at herself before sitting up and stretching properly.

Would she have not hit her hands against the headboard had she done that in bed? Ayumu pondered silently. Maybe she thought she was back in her own room on her couch?

“You two sleep alright?” Ayumu ventured.

“Pretty much.” Yuu confirmed. “Obviously stayed up too late, though… Oops. Probably going to have to take a nap this afternoon after class. But for now, coffee.” She started getting up. “You want some, Setsuna-chan?”

“Eh?” Setsuna startled out of her post panic stupor. “Oh, uhm, yes please.”

“I’ll make some tea for you as well, Ayumu.” Yuu offered with a grin. “I’ll have it ready by the time you get back.”

“Oh, alright.” Ayumu nodded. “Thanks, Yuu-chan.”

With that said, Ayumu headed for the door, wondering if Yuu had noticed anything different about her sleeping arrangement.

----------

Author’s Note Continued in Followup Post

[thinking-in-symbols]

Quinquennial Life Assessment

So, it’s been a few years.  When I was 19 I posted a sort of “roadmap” for the evolution of my life on this blog.  Today I thought I’d revisit that.  I want to take a look back and see what progress I’ve made, and then in a separate post I want to turn to the future, think about how my vision for it has changed, and consider how I can reincorporate these goals into that vision.

This is the list of things I wanted to get done in varying time frames.  I’ve crossed off the things I’ve done to get a sense of my progress:

1 year:

At 19, my hopes were to accomplish the following things by age 20:

- Joined, and consistently participated in, at least 2 campus organizations that suit my interests, at least 1 of which should be competitive in nature - well, I joined the ISO and KVRX, my college radio station!  Neither of those were competitive, but in retrospect I don’t really care about that :-)

- Made concrete plans to study abroad - Nope, unfortunately I never did this.  I’m not quite sure I regret that, all things considered - I traded that experience for other things.  I did make plans to spend a few months abroad of my own accord, and I would have gotten away with it, too, if it weren’t for that meddling global pandemic.  But as it stands I haven’t done this.

- Learned C++ and python to proficiency - Hm.  “Proficient” is a relative term.  But I think I have a tendency to downplay my skills, so in the interest of counteracting that I’m going to count myself as “proficient” in these languages.  I think that’s fair.

- Gone on at least a several day road trip with at least 1 friend - I’ve gone on several trips with @meeshbug​, my very lovely girlfriend and best friend in the world :-)

- Decided on a concentration beyond the extremely vague umbrella of “computer science” - Unfortunately as far as my education is concerned I never really did this.  If anything my interests have *broadened* rather than becoming more focused.  More on this later...

- Made meaningful, ongoing contributions to an open-source project - You know what?  I’ve published the source of everything I’ve ever made, and I’ve gotten to the point where I can make stuff that’s not trivial.  So I’m giving myself credit for this one.

- Learned to cook enough meals to eat in most days and not get sick of my own food - I wish.  I’ve learned to cook a fair amount of stuff but I still get way too depressed and lethargic to apply that consistently.  Whether I consider myself to have achieved this honestly depends on the month.

- Learned to keep my living area clean - I’m much better at this than I was at 19, but at 19 I could barely clear a path to walk across my room.  So there’s more work to do.  More on these last two later.

- Gotten a pet - Meesh and I have a dog named Courage (after the dog of cowardly fame) and a cat named Jax!

2 years:

- Independently written a piece of software to completion and deployed it publicly - I’ve always pretty bad at actually seeing projects through to completion, but I do have a few full, independent projects under my belt at this point.  I’ve built a simple game engine, a pathtracer, plugins for games I like, and some other stuff.

- purchased and begun regularly using some basic amateur radio equipment - Ah man.  I got my license but I still haven’t gotten any equipment.  I guess I have to get on that...

- purchased and begun experimenting with some basic music recording equipment - This one I’ve done, but I haven’t done as much experimenting as I’d like.

- hosted a party - I did this for my 21st birthday and it’s one of my favorite memories!  Honestly this was probably the last time I had all my really close friends in one place.  I’m actually getting kind of emotional about that.

- done some kind of hallucinogen - I have now done this.  I definitely did get something out of it, albeit not what I expected.  This is something I actually only did pretty recently and it’s still having a pretty profound effect.  Maybe I’ll write a separate post about this.

- Gone camping with friends - Despite my best efforts, this hasn’t happened yet.  Pretty fucked up.

3 years:

- learned to play another instrument besides the piano (guitar?) - I don’t feel comfortable crossing this one off quite yet, but I went ahead and bought myself some guitar equipment and have been messing around with it lately :-) I think I’m going to have to bite the bullet and pay for lessons if I’m serious about this, which I am.

- Written and recorded a song - Damn, I can’t believe it’s been 5 years and I haven’t even done this.

- Met a group of people I can play music with - nope

- Owned a leather jacket.  I can’t believe I’ve still never even owned a leather jacket - I’ve done this and wore it frankly too much.  Kinda cringe.

- Worked as a professional software developer - Yep!  Worked as a software developer for a retail company for a couple years.  I’m actually not working as a software developer right now, though; I’m working in a sort of adjacent position.  More on this later.

- Participated in research related to my field - That’s pretty ambitious.  Not sure I’ll ever do this, unfortunately.  But we’ll see.

- Been to a film festival - Oh shit, I totally forgot about having written this.  That’s a cool idea.  I should do this, it’s not like it’s hard (well, at least in principle.  I guess covid kind of changes the situation).

- Gotten a dog - Courage is one of those, I think, although he might also be part rat.

- collected 50 records - Lol, my dumb ass really thought I was going to buy $1,000 worth of records on college money.  No, I haven’t done this, but I’m on my way there.

- Purchased a desktop computer - Well, my dad gave me his old desktop.  That’s not really a purchase but I think it counts.

5 years:

- Begun accepting freelance development gigs - haven’t gotten here yet and I’m not totally sure this is a direction I want to go in my career.  Freelancing has its own stressors as I’ve come to learn from others.  No career path is sunshine and roses and I’m trying to internalize this fact.

- Participated in a student film - Nope.  I don’t even know why I wrote this down to be honest.

- Gotten laid by solving a 5x5 Rubik’s Cube in front of a girl because surely that’s gonna have to work on someone eventually, otherwise I wasted a lot of time - These are getting weird.  Surely I didn’t really expect this to happen, right?  Well, either way I now have a long-term girlfriend, so I don’t - wait, Meesh has seen me solve a Rubik’s cube and she saw it before we started dating.  So actually I’m going to give myself credit for it.  I’m the one who makes the rules here.

- Fleshed out my political opinions - Yes, I now know everything about politics and can answer 100% of questions on political issues.  Just kidding.  But I know where I stand.

- Participated in a protest or some other kind of political event - Done!  Went to a few protests as part of the ISO, participated in lots of their events, and attended some protests with friends as well.

- Studied abroad - Nope :-/

- Learned a language other than Spanish - I took a semester of French!  But I don’t quite want to give myself credit for this one because I really would like to learn a different language to something resembling fluency.

- Run a marathon - Lmao.  I am in much worse shape now than I was when I wrote this post, and even at that time I could probably do like 7 miles if I really pushed myself.  How sad.

- Gone hiking outside of texas - This is weird because I’d literally already done this when I wrote this post.  But I’ve done it more since then, so hey!

- Been out of the country with a friend - This I had also already done.  I guess the point is to have done it without “adult supervision” or whatever.  I haven’t done this since writing this list so I guess I have to leave it uncrossed.

10 years:

- Lived with a girl for an extended period of time - Meesh 🥰

- Spent at least 6 months living on the road in an RV, preferably with a dog and a girl - God, I am so close to being able to do this.  I don’t want it to be an RV anymore - those things are expensive.  But a van?  Still pricey, but doable, especially if I’m willing to sacrifice some comfort.  This has actually been front-of-mind for a while.  I’ll let you know when I get the balls to pull the trigger.

- Started making Real Money - Well, yep, I have gotten to that point.  I do have other thoughts on this, though.  Money is weird, man.

- Lived in a long-term living space outside of Texas (i.e. not including RV time) - How long is long-term?  Three months?  If so, I’ve done this by living in Boston with Meesh for a few months after she went there for law school.  However, I anticipate staying there much longer in the near future, so I’ll wait on this crossing this one off.

- Written a book about something, idk - Not yet.  I’m halfway to the deadline on this one and I have some ideas, but ideas aren’t worth all that much, especially to me, who rarely sees them through.  We’ll see where this goes.  It’s not exactly a priority and historically I struggle to get even my priorities done.  It might make more sense to replace this with recording a concept or narrative album, for which I also have ideas that I happen to take more seriously.

- Learned to solve a 6x6 Rubik’s Cube - nope

- Gotten laid by solving a 6x6 Rubik’s Cube - nope

- Lived in an apartment where I pay all the rent - Yes!  :-))) We love independence

- Earned an advanced degree (this one’s iffy) - This hasn’t happened, and whether it will ever happen is something I’ve been thinking a lot about.  I sort of decided half-way through college that I would be totally burned out on school by the time I graduated.  But in retrospect it takes way less time to burn out on work than it does to burn out on school, and grad degrees are a different kind of thing.  So it’s worth revisiting.’

- Given a best man speech (Sam, this means you have to get married within the next 10 years.  Good luck out there.) - Holy shit, Sam, you maniac, you actually did it!  Sam got married back in 2019 and I gave his best man speech! It’s another one of my favorite memories :-) 

- Gone on a cruise with someone I’m dating - Hmm, not yet.  I’ve gone on cool trips, but none on a boat.  Maybe that’s something to aim for after the pandemic passes :-)

Retrospective:

1yr: Completed: 5/9

More than half isn’t bad!  I’m not gonna worry too much about whether I got these things done within their assigned “time-frame”.  I’m a procrastinator in my heart and I don’t see any reason to put that kind of pressure on myself.  The point is, they got done.  That’s enough for me.

The things I did best in in this category were academic things, and things to do with relationships.  I’m proud of the academic achievements, I really feel like doing them has increased my belief in myself and my sense that I’m good at the thing I’ve spent the last four years studying.  And of course, I am so happy to be in a loving, fulfilling relationship that brings so many good things into my life.  I almost feel like the things I accomplished sort of fell into my lap - of course I’m gonna do programming stuff as a programming student, and getting pets / going on road trips are things I did as a result of my relationship with Meesh.  I don’t say that to downplay the accomplishments, but I do think it’s worth noting.

The things I haven’t done are more to do with personal development, which is disappointing.  I would like to be able to say, 5 years down the road, that I’ve done the personal development I expected to do in just a single year, but maybe that’s a lot to expect.  These are problems I’ve dealt with my whole life.  I think what this means is that I can’t expect everything to fall into my lap.  Those things are going to take real concerted effort to change.  I’m not quite sure how to go about that, though.

2yrs: Completed: 4/6

Two-thirds!  Even better!

Lots of these are one-time accomplishments, not so much long-term commitments to personal development.  The good news is, I did them, and I think those resulted in some development in their own right :-)

Again, though, the things I didn’t do so well are the things that require long-term, concerted effort.  For instance, while I crossed off the one about experimenting with music, it’s really only the initial investment that I’ve really done at this point.  It remains to be seen whether I’ll be able to follow through on the commitment to actually experiment and learn.

3yrs: Completed: 4/10

This category also follows the same pattern I’ve noticed with the last two.  The other thing I’m noticing is that so, so much of my effort over the past few years has been going towards developing a very particular skill: programming / computer science.  Music and art are so important to me, but I’ve done very little real development in those areas.  I mean, I’ve done some.  But not as much as I would have hoped for half a decade.

5yrs: Completed: 4/10

This is getting a little more fun because less of my goals have to do explicitly with my degree.  I’m starting to think beyond college, which is good, because the stage of life I’m in right now requires me to start thinking about the kind of life I want to build now that I’m done with school.  Also, I’m at the deadline for this one right now!  So this is a particularly interesting category because it really shows where I thought I’d be by this time.

The goals I accomplished in this timeframe are, again, mostly things I’ve done through my relationship, but politics also feature pretty prominently on this part of the list.  I spent a lot of time reading and researching political issues during college and really did look for ways to participate.  I honestly made politics a pretty big part of my identity over the last 5 years, and I think it will stay that way forever, but I’ve gotten to the point where I think I need to devote less of my mental energy to knowing more.  I know what I need to know.  It’s time to think about other things.

10yrs: Completed: 4/11 (and counting!)

There’s some career stuff in this section that I’ve been able to do, which is good news.  I’ve always been scared about entering the working world.  All things told, it’s gone more smoothly than it could have.  But I also have lots of lingering doubts about what I want to do in the long term.  So one of the most pressing goals I should aim for is to resolve those doubts.

Ultimately, I have a lot of time left, and I’m not even done with this time frame, so I’m not gonna spend much time dissecting the things I haven’t done.  What I’ll do instead is say that while I didn’t do everything on this list, I feel proud of the things I have accomplished.  I said when I first wrote this list that it’s sometimes hard for me to feel that my life is moving in any particular direction, and I’m still feeling like that five years later, to be honest.  But looking back on these things has helped me see that I actually am making progress in my life.  Not in all the ways I want to, but that’s OK.  There’s still time.

In the next couple days I want to come back to this and reorganize this list into an updated set of goals, for the same time frames.  Maybe that will help me think through exactly what it is I want out of the next five-ten years, with the benefit of having analyzed the things that I did and didn’t do well over the previous five.

[vikingsagine]

Ghost (Ivar x Reader)

hecolHere it is, another part to the story. Part 4, yeah. Pretty sure it is. This was hard to write and ultimately not my favorite piece. 

Summary: Ivar is in Russ and under the protection of King Oleg and there ghosts come back to life...

Warnings: Fighting, blood. 

He had a lot of time to think. Too much time to fall in the bottomless pit of his mind. Ivar had never thought so long or hard, ever. Not like this. He felt regret and a tremendous pang of guilt. He realized how ambitious and driven he was to be the greatest, to be more than he already was, to be a God that looking back was a pain but also a heavy burden. 

Staying with the wicked King Oleg opened his eyes. It was like looking at himself, watching the destruction of paranoia take away his humanity. Like a self destructive bomb, ticking away until the last second and killing everything and everyone he had. All the success waiting to be taken with a snap of his fingers. 

Ivar let out a deep sigh and heaved his legs over the edge of his bed. Another sleepless night, another nightmare, another regret. Lately, the images of his dead wife and son had haunted his dreams. Along with your shadow. Lurking and tugging strings that he tried to bury for so long. He combed his hair, missing his braids and the feel of your fingers, your body pressed up against him and the relentless hum of your mouth. “You pestering woman.” Ivar growled.

“King Oleg requests your acquaintance.” A man dressed in black fur intruded his chain of thoughts. If Ivar still had his old ‘tendencies’, he would have found a way to humiliate the young guard. But unfortunately, he was not in the position to do so. Ivar complied.

“Ah, Ivar. You are awake. Come, come, join me.” King Oleg welcomed Ivar with a sickening smile. He felt unsettled by his open arms and oddly enthusiastic behaviour, nevertheless he nodded back towards his host and followed suit. There was a table set for a King, piled with food and drinks. He couldn’t deny the hunger in the pit of his stomach and dug in, immediately after Oleg’s short Christian prayer. 

“Tell me, is there any news from your brother?” Ivar inquired, sipping from his chalice of ale. He couldn’t deny that the riches and luxury of Russ was far greater than Kattegat, that much he knew. However it lacked the feeling of home. It was empty. It was lonely. It was too dull. 

“Yes, he has.” Oleg licked his lips, biting into the leg of a chicken with greedy bites. “But that does not concern you, for now I would like to discuss something else with you.” This perked his ears and he willingly listened to the information his host wanted to share. “It is true that I have heard many, many stories about your rule and your pagan reign. You still wish to return home, to our home, Kattegat yes?”

“Yes and seek vengeance over my brother’s.” The words were like prayers that he seemed to constantly repeat over and over and over again. Kattegat was after all his home, his stomping ground, the foundation of all the joyous memories of the past and the right passed onto him. But, it was stolen and stripped, leaving a once-upon-a-time shadow of greatness. Everything, taken.

“Good, good. I like to hear that. All the more reason for our success, is it not?” King Oleg chuckled to himself and Ivar smiled along with the King, nodding in agreement but also wandering. ‘Where was this heading?’ He thought. “Now, now. I have retrieved a gift for you. But that will arrive later in the night, my men are making the final adjustments before it is worthy for the great Ivar.” 

“King Oleg, that is truly unnecessary. I am already thankful for your, uh, hospitality.”

“Don’t be foolish. It is a token of my gratitude. Besides, every warrior needs a weapon, do they not?” Without another word, Oleg clasped his hands together and stood with a jolt of remembrance. Then came to his side, leaning against his body. This unnerved Ivar because it was rather strange for Oleg to be so kind. Ivar knew well enough that the King enjoyed playing with him in cruel ways, it definitely reminded him of ‘God’ Ivar. The tyrant. Here in Russ he was surrounded by strangers and enemies, under the protection of the favor of his biggest foe. He needed something. He needed you. The only one who he still trusted without a doubt. His most loyal and most trusted. But now, you were probably dead because of him. And that, that tugged at those unpleasant emotions. “Now, tell me. Who is this figure, this shadow I have recently discovered through the mouths of my people? It has irked my curiosity.”

“I don’t know what you mean.” Ivar gave the King a skeptical gaze. A figure? A shadow? 

“You know, the shieldmaiden that stood by your side.” He felt his heartbeat drop and blood run cold at the mention of your being. Ivar was furious but also pained and King Oleg fed on it. Striving from the torture of others and they couldn’t do anything about it because he was in power. He was King. “Uh yes, I have heard tales about her and I wonder why she isn’t by your side anymore.” Ivar clenched the knife in his hands, knuckles turning pale as murderous intent and thoughts whispered inside his mind. The lust and desire to end the man's life. Oh, how his hand itched for his crimson tears that would cry from every part of his shallow and weak skin. Ivar thought of all the possibilities to end King Oleg’s life. Drown him in wine and food. Perhaps break every single bone in his body, one by one, day by day, inch by inch. But with all these lingering notions, Ivar bit back and turned to the man and gave him a hard stare.

“Her name was Y/N and by now, she would be dead. My brother had her killed.” Oleg gave out a disappointed sigh and returned to his prior seat.

“How unfortunate, she could have been an asset to our army.” 

“Yes, it is very unfortunate.” Ivar pushed away the venom that stung his heart, this feeling he has oppressed for so many years. He grabbed the deadly thread and hid it among the other strings of his life, his ambition, his reason for vengeance. “Let us drink.” Both their cups clanked and took a heavy skull of the bittersweet of alcohol.

~~~

There he was, once again. Completely bored and forced to listen to the complaints of random and unimportant elderly who were like mud to his shoe. Ivar could tell he wasn’t the only bored one, because his Mother fought the oncoming yawn and gave a meek smile. 

“Mother, why do I have to be here?” Ivar whispered to his dearest Mother, who took a short break to ease the stress of the duties of a Queen. Yet, the son beside her caused more headache. Ivar was just as worse as the people, complaining and yearning for something. Something she could give but chose not to.

“You know very well why. One day when you rule over-”

“Yes, you said that before and all the times before that. But don’t kid yourself, I will never be ruler of Kattegat. Not when I’m the youngest and that my brother’s are warriors who are hunting just now, where I ought to be.” His voice grew louder and louder by the second and so did his infectious rage.

“No, it’s not. You aren’t like your brother’s Ivar, you’re special.” Aslaug pressed her hand to her beloved son’s cheek in an attempt to soothe and satisfied his rich behavior of a brat. But he was fed up with the same excuse. Special because he was cripple, nothing more and nothing less. But they were wrong, he was a son of Ragnar Lothbrok.

“Father would have let me go.”

“I am not your Father, Ivar.” Aslaug shook her head, wanting to tell her youngest son that Ragnar had abandoned everyone. Him, his brother’s, her and the people of Kattegat. But bit back and continued to the next issue among the people of Kattegat. Ivar on the other hand, slumped against his seat and folded his arms, utterly bored and wanting some sort of entertainment. Anything.

“Get your filthy fingers off me before I tear them apart with my teeth and mouth. I swear by Odin, my face will be the last thing you’ll see!” The sudden scream of retaliation buzzed through the halls of their home, bouncing off the walls. Ivar glanced to his Mother and then leaned over his chair, curious and intrigued.

“Queen Aslaug, we found this rat stealing food from the markets and she injured some of our men. She claims she is a wanderer’s child.” A tall brute of a man pushed a ragged you onto your knees in front of him and Aslaug. Tied by shackles of chain and had evident blood all over your dirty clothes.

“It is fine.” Aslaug put her hand up to dismiss the guard who took hesitant steps back but still had a firm grip over the long roped metal, tied around your wrists and prevented any movement. “What is your name, child?” Aslaug  peered down at your mysterious and feral appearance, it was clear to see life was not pleasant nor was it painted in riches. There was no reply, just a still and vacant sway of your body. Ivar being the prince he was decided to speak up.

“Answer my Mother when she speaks.” 

“Ivar.” Aslaug gave him a warning glare and watched you, covered in dirt and grime and blood and smelling of shit. It was a disgusting sight. Truly and utterly disturbing. He had never witnessed or seen a girl to ever be so gross. You snapped your head up and stared with intensity towards him. “Who are you?” Ivar was taken aback by your appearance, your face. It was truly the sight of filth. There was a scar engraved into the side of your profile, stretching in a sickly smile from the corner of your lips and up, up, up to the end of your eye. Your hair wild and untamed like a beast. Blood dripping from the corners of your lips but Ivar realized it wasn’t yours, it was someone else's. Fresh blood too. 

“Ivar the boneless.” You said and jumped to your feet, approaching the cripple with a strange shimmer in your eyes. It was a flavor he’s never tasted before. It was deep and meaningful, complete yet questionable. He found himself entranced by your ratchet self, not wanting to tear his eyes away. But it was soon cut up by a tug of metal and a falling of a body. 

“That’s enough, undo the chains. She is only a young girl.” Aslaug ordered the man who was hesitant, staring at you with question. Ivar couldn’t take his eyes off of you, something felt different inside. Something felt right and it frustrated him to no end. Soon after, you were released from your shackles and you spat at the guard with a tormenting smile, Aslaug asked once more. “What’s your name?” You completely ignored the woman and instead your attention was focused on Ivar, not wavering nor uncertain. It was him, you thought. 

“Blue eyes like fire and ice. Cold like a winter morning, smooth like waves but gentle like water. Burning and raging fire behind, there is the monster that lurks inside, burn, scorch and torch. Blood will be spilt.” With every word, your figure grew closer and closer to the cripple and it frightened Aslaug and those around, but not Ivar. He was hypnotised.

“It’s fine Mother. I don’t think she will hurt me.” Ivar spoke with confidence and watched as you ogled all of his movement. LIke a moth to a flame, you were addicted to the sight of him. His presence. His whole being. 

“I would never hurt you. Never and I won’t let anyone hurt you. You are my fate, I am sure of it. Ivar the boneless, my destiny.”  This left Ivar awestruck and surprised. He knew not to trust silly words of men, of people but your tone was convincing enough to have him believe. You spoke with confidence and unwavering faith. It was the first time Ivar had been introduced to loyalty, as ugly and disgusting it was. It seemed true and pure.

~~~

He was in trouble and he knew it. The war raged on from all corners of his view, Ivar knew he needed a little more time until Rollo’s troops could attack. More time is all he needed. But as arrows shot and flew through the air, his men dropped one by one like flies. Now with no one left to stand, he realized the mortal danger he was in. Enemies approaching from all sides, men desperately fighting for their lives. He was knocked to the ground, the crutch that stood him up flew away with a shot of an arrow. Ivar rolled to his side and threw a knife, killing an oncoming enemy and grabbed an axe, only to peer fearlessly at the herd of men approaching. Ivar felt no fear, no worry and no doubt. This was not his end and it was true.A viking with long braided hair dropped to the ground, an arrow pierced into his skull. The others desperately threw their bodies to Ivar, yearning for his blood but they were stopped by the same fate, an arrow and death. 

Next thing he knew, your figure appeared from above him and leaped into action. Arrows flying, bodies dying and sword slashing. Finally, Ivar thought. He watched in a haze the not-so-graceful dance of your body as you maneuvered around the many enemies. Face filled with that sickly pleasure of the heat of battle, passion and love of a true Viking. 

“You’ve gotten fat and slow.” Ivar hummed teasingly and pulled himself up with the help of his crutches. You wiped the smooth blade of blood, chuckling at his warm welcoming after five months of absence.

“And you still need me to save you like always.” Ivar couldn’t help but smile. Genuinely happy to see you. Not that he would admit it, it was finally good having a familiar company that wasn’t his brother and the men he had to deal with. True pawns and a lack of mind. “I see you took my heed and made an alliance with your Uncle.” 

“Shut up.” Ivar noticed then the blue uniforms of the french christains, already charging and taking over the battle but still limped alongside your form. He took his time to study your profile. “You look like shit.” He saw the clear bags under your eyes, your skin pale and sickly. But somehow your body seemed, grown. More meat to areas he found quite intriguing. 

“And you’re still an asshole.”

~~~

It was late and Ivar was growing tired of King Oleg’s talking, his annoyance growing and his patience running low. He kept blabbering about all the enemies he has taken down, how his return to Kattegat will be great and so forth. Ivar opened his mouth to speak his yearn for absence and sleep but a man, young and short, approached the King.

“Ah, that’s good. Bring it in.” Oleg jumped to his feet and clasped his hands, pure excitement bubbling inside those twisted eyes. The boy quickly dispersed and ran away, leaving Ivar and Oleg alone. The King stood from the table and ordered something to a slave girl. “Now Ivar, I promised I would return my gratitude for your acquaintance and insight over Kattegat. And with your help, I wanted to reward you. Bring it in!” Oleg clapped his hands excitedly whereas the son of Ragnar was perplexed but poked by the undying need of contented satisfaction. 

The doors opened, more of the Russ men strolled into the room with their hands firm on their weapons. But instead of a material thing Ivar had expected, not a sharp edge blade or possibly a new pair of legs, it was something living and breathing. His eyes widened in recognition of who and what it was. His gift, his weapon was you. Like a ghost coming back and the dead coming to life. There you were in flesh and blood. 

His eyes couldn’t help but drift down the frame of your body. Dressed in the finest silks, so different to the armor you wore constantly. The leather of brown and tight protection that clung to your torso and breasts were replaced by the plush push of blood red with the delicate trace of golden designs. Light and running like vines along her breasts and following down the curve of her shoulders, dipping down the long sleeves of molten maroon. It was a long and delicate dress but also gave you a seductively powerful aroma. It was a teasing dress, working his imagination as he could see the bounce of your breasts, just but not enough to fulfill that curiosity. You were walking slow and steady and enchanted his very being. 

When his gaze finally fell upon your face, he noticed how your skin was clean and almost glowing under the candled light. Jewelry made of rich gold hanging from your ears just tickling the nape of your neck. Your hair was tied into a loose braid but had silver jewels shaped into weaponry like flowers and strands framing the small of your face. 

You were beautiful, Ivar thought. You were a queen, a goddess, an enchantment.

“King Oleg.” You bowed politely, eyes still staring at the floor. Feeling Ivar’s eyes were intimidatingly scary and it made you uncomfortable. Ivar on the other hand couldn’t quite believe his eyes. You were meant to be dead, killed, not here. Even if you were alive, there was no reason for you to be in Russ. He knew he had betrayed you and left you. There were many reasons why your existence was not supposed to be alive. He had done many things to you, stripped you of your humanity, stolen the virtue between your legs and fed it to animals, he manipulated your dignity for his own gain. And he broke your heart. 

“Why didn’t you tell me your shield-maiden is beautiful?” Oleg teased lightly, waiting for a reaction in the Ragnarsson or in you. Neither moved or spoke. “So, do you like my gift? It is quite a miracle isn’t it. You thought she was dead but here she is. Take it as a surprise.” Ivar didn’t know what to do. Seeing you again caused a chain reaction of emotion to bubble inside, bringing back wretched curses of his heart. 

After all, he is in love with you.

@soleil-dor​ @youbloodymadgenius​ @cececolbert​ @heavenly1927​ @ivarthebloodyking​

[tepidjasminetea]

A nostalgia retrospective at Frozen

I was of the generation that grew up with frozen as the defining childhood event, I think that says a lot about my age, I remember watching the movie in the theatre with my mom and having my little popcorn in one hand and my little cup of fizzy drink in another and being amazed by our lord and savior Elsa of Arendelle. Saying that this movie changed my little barely developed frontal lobe is an understatement, it fucking penetrated it and all I could think about for months on end was Frozen. While writing the script for this I listened to Let it Go and inexplicably I had flashbacks of little petite me compulsively almost replaying that song. Remembering the hold of that movie on me and people of my age during that time feels unreal, it honestly seems like Disney sprinkled in a bit of crack into that song. My general thoughts when I watched it in theatres was that this film was perfect in every sense and Elsa was the hottest woman alive.

Recap

Before I dive into the video, I will give a brief background or refresh of the film for the three people who haven’t seen it and those who haven’t seen it in like seven years since its release. Frozen is a 2013 animated movie made by Disney, there’s Anna the cute and clumsy ginger sister, Elsa the sister that Disney made approximately half a million dollars off of merchandise, Kristoff the furry that talks to reindeer, Olaf a snowman, and Hans the evil ginger. The story centers on Anna and Elsa; as a child, Elsa accidentally hit Anna in the head with her ice magic while playing with her. To fix Anna’s brain essentially she had to have all her memories of Elsa’s magic removed. So from that incident onward, Anna doesn’t know about Elsa’s powers, and because of the incident, Elsa started to distance herself. So the sisters barely have any contact for the fifteen or so odd years. The sisters are reunited on Elsa’s coronation day and Anna sings a song about open doors and finally getting to meet people again that hits different in 2021.  Anna pisses Elsa off because she wants to marry a ginger man with sideburns. They fight and in the heat of the moment Elsa shoots ice at her sister. The secret is out and Elsa is overwhelmed so she runs away to the mountains to build her ice castle and we get the song that won Disney ‘Best Original Song’ at the Oscars. Anna gets on a horse and goes to search for her sister in the northern mountains. Then her horse fucks off and she finds her way to a convenience store? Is that what you would call it? And she meets our lovely golden retriever boy Kristoff and for a pickaxe, some rope, and some carrots for his reindeer, he agrees to take our cute little ginger north. On the way, they find Olaf who is a sentient snowman that Elsa created with her magic. They go to Elsa’s castle and Anna tries to convince Elsa to return to their home and to make it summer again. I don’t know why she would want that since winter is the superior season. Anyways Elsa is unconvinced and still wants to be a hermit. Anna pushes a little too hard, we get a lovely duet between the sisters and then Elsa blasts Anna’s heart. Oh no Anna’s poor heart is starting to freeze as her hair slowly turns white. Kristoff brings Anna to the trolls that treated Anna’s head all those years ago, coincidentally those trolls also were the ones that raised Kristoff. Then we get the cutest musical number ever to exist, fucking fight me. Granddaddy troll tells Anna and Kristoff that she needs an act of true love to thaw her frozen heart. So Kristoff delivers Anna back to the ginger with the sideburns because they think that the little ginger boy is Anna’s, true love. So while that happens Hans and a couple of people are at Elsa’s ice castle trying to capture her, but she doesn’t want that so she almost commits a double homicide. This is the point where I thought she’d make a great video game character. Some random dude tries to fire an arrow at the distracted Elsa but Hans stops him and the arrow, unfortunately, fires into the ice chandelier above and that thing crashes down on Elsa knocking her out. She then is carted back to Arendelle and put in chains, she pleads for her freedom and Hans is like I’ll see what I can do. Anna arrives at the castle and asks Hans to kiss her, but low and behold the ginger is evil and never loved Anna and just wanted the throne so he doesn’t kiss her and leaves her to die. In the meantime, Elsa escapes from her dungeon and Hans is chasing her down. Anna is rescued by Olaf and they decide to run towards Kristoff because he must love her and then he can reverse the frozen heart. So Elsa is running, Anna is running, Hans is running and so is Kristoff. Hans catches up to Elsa and tells her that Anna died because of her and that it’s all her fault, Elsa is devastated and Hans takes the chance to try and kill her. Anna who is running towards Kristoff sees this happening and instead of running towards her true love she decides to go and save Elsa. Her body turns into ice fully as she blocks the sword from slicing Elsa in half like a piece of white tuna. Elsa sees this and she cries over Anna’s icy figure and her tears thaw Anna’s frozen heart since it is an act of true love because the sisters love eachother. Elsa realizes that love is what she needs to reverse winter and bring back summer, and so she waves her hand a bit and takes back all the snow. Kristoff and Anna kiss, Olaf gets to experience summer, and Elsa’s crippling social anxiety is solved. The end. 

The Music

When I was watching frozen I found it so strange that I pretty much remembered the lyrics to everything. I’ve never been much of a musical person I never liked musicals that much but I found that in this movie the music was one of the main enjoyment of it. Perhaps it’s just me in my old age but I honestly felt like these songs aged like fine wine, even the ones that I didn’t like as much or wasn’t musically ambitious I still found them extremely enjoyable. I also liked the score how they incorporated some kind of Scandinavian music in it and it just made the world-building better. Let it Go was just as ear-wormy as I remembered and it was just as powerful as I remember because we’re just coming off of Elsa running away scared and this song is essentially her owning her socially awkward ass and saying yes I want to be a hermit and there’s nothing wrong about it. Which my now more developed frontal lobe resonated deeply with. Now I know this video isn’t about comparing Frozen and its sequel but I will have to mention how I realized how much simpler and more or less conventional pop song-y the first movie’s songs are. I also listened to into the unknown and show yourself on youtube prior and those two songs feel more ingrained in the world and the lore. Which does make sense since the second movie is a bit world-building. But for Let it Go and Do you wanna build a snowman the mystical and magical feel that songs in Frozen 2 have isn’t present. I understand since into the unknown and show yourself are all sorta about a spirit, but I just wished that the main songs in Frozen incorporated some form of Scandinavian music that’s present in the opening song and the score. 

The Characters

Kristoff

Recently it has been pointed out to me that I might just have an inclination towards big blonde himbo characters, I simped for Matthias in Six of Crows, and I positively melted at the sight of Kristoff the big blonde boy with a fetish for reindeer. Kristoff was probably my favourite character upon this second viewing. There’s absolutely no concrete or sound reason for it that I can defend with words. Literally, I just have a gene in my DNA that just makes me extremely biased towards that type of character. I love his grounded personality in comparison with Anna’s slightly airheaded disposition. I love that he’s raised by trolls it just makes me feel happy. 

Anna

Anna is often looked upon as the lesser sister by Disney’s merchandising and in turn by the little girls who were the primary audience of this movie. One this second viewing with my more mature and refined taste I actually respected Anna as a character and I thought it was good that she was so ordinary because it was refreshing almost and it made her much more endearing. The takeaway I had from the movie was that Anna was kinda a self-insert character, she’s just like the audience going on an adventure and only just learning about her sister’s powers, she’s relatable to the audience. She’s the perfect ordinary relatable gal that everyone loves. The one thing I wish she had was a proper character arc, granted she doesn’t need one, but Disney almost tries to shoehorn in one with the inclusion of Hans and how he wasn’t her true love. Her arc is almost like discovering that true love doesn’t come from someone that she met just two days ago. Because Disney wants to do meta-commentary on their own material but Anna doesn’t even really learn that lesson? Because Hans not loving Anna isn’t a product of them only knowing eachother for two days but instead a product of him being evil, so the thesis that Disney so badly wants to prove was undermined by their own twist villain. And then even worse they imply that Kristoff instead is Anna’s true love even though Kristoff has known Anna for roughly the same amount of time as Hans. So if you are trying to make a point that true love doesn’t happen in a couple of days then sorry Disney you failed…? 

Elsa

She’s the main character the story centers around her and she has the most complex emotions, character arc and personality. Her arc is one about her overcoming her fear of her own powers and it fulfills that change in the character somewhat. Near the end of the movie, we see her distraught more than ever because she believes her powers killed her own sister and she is positively depressed. But then she’s able to save her sister with the power of love. And she uses the same power of love to reverse her power, and we assume with the power of love she learns to control it. Which is a bit of a cop-out just having all her internal issues be solved with love, Elsa doesn’t really learn anything she learns that i guess Anna loves her? Which I thought she knew from the beginning. And it would be strange if she didn’t love Anna since the beginning or if she didn’t know that Anna loved her. Elsa’s issue was that no one understood her, and that issue still isn’t solved by the end and Anna’s love certainly didn’t solve that issue so I don’t really think that ending fits with her character. It would have made more sense if Elsa was a villain who didn’t understand love or who shitted on the idea of love then this ending would have been better. 

Hans

Out of all the characters, Hans is done the dirtiest. I know I make fun of him for being a dirty little ginger but i think he had so much potential in being a good character and a good subversion of the prince charming trope and they squandered every bit of it for a twist villain. We could have had them sing the same love is an open door song but have them over the course of the movie slowly realize that they don’t really love each other and it finally culminates in the supposedly true love’s kiss not working. Then Anna would have learned her lesson and Hans wouldn’t be a terrible twist villain with motivations that don’t make sense. I felt so strongly after this viewing that Hans should have been redeemed in the second movie somehow. 

Olaf

I’m not going to count him as a character because he’s a snowman and his personality starts with comic relief and ends with merchandise sales. 

Sven

I love Sven and the relationship he has with Kristoff, it’s cute it establishes Kristoff as a good well-meaning furry so the audience instantly is able to connect with him and trust him. 

The Plot

I found in retrospect the movie was so much more complex than I remembered, as a little petite child I didn’t understand that there was so much political intrigue? I’ve been recently rewatching Game of Thrones the good seasons and watching Frozen I thought like wow this feels so game of thrones esque (mostly just Hans’s elaborate but completely ridiculous plan) and I was just thinking how it would have played out differently if Frozen was a Game of Thrones political fantasy movie. Anyways the plot of Frozen is singlehandedly fucked by Disney’s compulsive twitch to make a twist villain. In the beginning, we meet Hans and he’s charming and cute and positively enamoured with Anna. We even get this little scene of him smiling to himself once he met Anna that just doesn’t make sense at all when you watch it a second time and realize this bitch was never meant to love Anna at all. In a much earlier version of Frozen, where Elsa was more of a classic Disney villain (she would eventually become good), Prince Hans in that version was also established as a twist villain. But Disney decided that Elsa as a villain didn’t really connect with the audience so they decided to change the story and make Elsa more sympathetic but they still had to keep the element of Prince Hans being a villain to provide drama and twists. So ok Hans had to be evil, no negotiation let’s assume Daddy Disney said we have to have evil ginger or I will eat ur firstborns, or whatever. But that still doesn’t explain why the setup had to be so bad. The main reason why Hans is such a bad twist villain is that there was never a setup for him to be evil, a lot of his earlier scenes don’t make sense in retrospect when you know that he was scheming for the throne all along. The scene where he and a few of the castle men are in Elsa’s palace and one of the men is about to shoot Elsa and kill her, but Hans stops it even though he admits out loud to Anna later that he needed an accident to happen to Elsa so he could get the throne. Well, Hans, there’s your accident, did you have a sudden stroke of kindness to spare her or are you playing some sort of 4D chess us mere mortals are too stupid to understand? Because clearly having her being shot by someone else would absolve him of any guilt., and he’d definitely look less guilty than if he was going to slash Elsa in half on a frozen ocean in plain view of the castle. I know this criticism is a relatively dead horse so there’s no reason to go too in-depth with it. Hans doesn’t make sense and very easily you could have written Hans to be just a regular guy that serves the purpose of teaching Anna the lesson that true love isn’t found but is instead built over years. Who would be the villain then? Well, it’s simple, we already had the townspeople being generally scared of Elsa’s powers so it’s very easy for Disney to have just made them the antagonists. Elsa can still be captured and brought back to Arendelle with Hans not really wanting to kill her but the townspeople are sick and tired of this winter and they want her dead (this also coincidentally aligns with papa troll’s vision of Elsa’s power inspiring fear and people turning on her). Elsa could escape the prison just the same in the original movie only this time she goes outside and finds an angry mob waiting for her who try to chase her down. Anna sees this and can run to protect Elsa like she does in the original, she blocks a blade and that sends a powerful force that sends the townspeople backward. Anna turns into ice, Elsa cries, bada bing bada boom I just wrote you the last 7 minutes of Frozen but actually making sense without changing anything in the first hour and a half. I liked that the movie focuses on sisterly love and I think that’s ultimately the strength of Frozen and what differentiates it from other previous Disney princess movies. 

Meta-commentary

This movie also continues the meta-commentary on Disney’s family-friendly brand image that started with Tangled in this new era of animated movies, or perhaps with Enchanted if we count that as an animated film. I remember not noticing as much when my stupid little child brain was watching the movie for the first time but this time around I found it a bit annoying, especially given that the criticism they ‘address’ is extremely shallow, like ohh instead of marrying after three days Anna and Kristoff wait a few years until they marry, congrats Disney you have earned the progressive animation studios plaque. This is a bit nit-picky for this movie since this one isn’t egregious with the ‘subtle’ commentary, I feel like they’re particularly annoying in the live actions but generally passable in Frozen. 

The Plot that never

I think I have to mention in this video that originally Elsa was going to be a stone-cold villain who is redeemed at the end of the movie after learning how to love. This is the same version I mentioned previously where Hans was the twist villain who would try and set an avalanche on arendelle. Elsa and Anna weren’t going to be sisters so....can I just say that the plot as it is...it could have been an enemies-to-lovers story, featuring our first lesbian couple in a Disney movie. It feels like such wasted potential. I’m sure someone can write fanfiction with this idea to satisfy my...needs.  #i need this very very badly

The Animation

Arguably the best quality about any animated film is the animation. Even after 7 years I still feel awe and wonder when I watch Elsa raise her ice palace from snow and the animation of the ice is just jaw-dropping every single time I watch it. There’s one specific detail I love seeing and it’s Elsa’s shoes, like everything her skirt lifts up slightly when she’s running you get a peek at her shoes and they’re fucking gorgeous like she’s wearing glass slippers! Holy fuck her feet look so graceful and dainty and Elsa just single-handedly gave me a feet fetish. That’s what I took away from Frozen, sisterly love can conqueror all and feet are hot. Reading articles about the process of making Frozen really shows how dedicated the animators were to this project because they brought a real fucking reindeer in into the studios (allegedly according to this website I read). They studied the way cloth moves when it’s frozen by water and the way snow falls from a tree. It’s incredible and watching the movie you can really tell how dedicated the animators were to this project. 

The Legacy

Many believe that the release of Frozen and the earlier animated film Tangled started another renaissance period for Disney, which I think on some level is true since Disney has released quite a few of those ‘princess’ movies that feel like a return to form for the company in the past decade. In a more cynical view, I also feel like Frozen’s success was where Disney realized that merchandise was perhaps the most profitable thing under the sun. If anything the aggressive merchandising of the characters and the songs are what lingers in people’s minds after all these years. The toddlers shouting the lyrics to let it go at the top of their lungs, Frozen theme birthday parties, everyone wanting to dress up as Elsa for Halloween. I feel like the push to make as much money as possible off of Frozen’s success kind of diminishes the film itself. To the general public it isn’t remembered for its beautiful animation or its characters even to a certain extent, but instead, Frozen is remembered for its merchandise being absolutely everywhere which subsequently ended up with a lot of people being fed up with the property. I feel like we can definitely see the merchandising tactic Disney learned with Frozen with the new Star Wars trilogy where new droids were created en masse for merchandising purposes. 

Frozen also birthed a sequel that was largely forgettable in comparison to the first movie, which I feel very disappointed about since even more effort was clearly put into the animation on the second movie. I won’t get into the arduous rewrites and script overhauls that Frozen 2 experienced in this movie but I will say that the success of Frozen probably had something to do with the hyper management of the sequel that led it to be so mediocre and forgettable. 

The End

The overall feeling I have with this movie is nostalgia and fondness. Obviously, it isn’t a perfect movie and its themes and plot aren’t really that novel or perfectly executed either. I feel like a lot of people have forgotten that Frozen was an enjoyable movie and the reason for why it was so popular was because it was a heartfelt movie that was just pretty good. It’s by no means a perfect movie but I think it was a decent movie that will always have a place in my heart. 

[izzy-b-hands]

Our House

Eugene is away on business for a few weeks, and they’ve both wanted bits and pieces of the house fixed up/changed. 

Snafu can do that all on his own, right? 

Important lessons about home improvement and how it is a fickle beast below the cut!

At the end, re: wine, I’m basing their reactions off of what wine does to me (makes me sleepy af and basically useless if I have more than a glass or two.) 

Also, I did get a weird headache mid-writing this so hopefully it sounds decent and I didn’t accidentally a word anywhere (I read over it for a quick edit, but y’all know I’m notorious for still missing mistakes until three days later.) If y’all do notice something off/an error on this, please let me know so I can fix it asap!

My love to all who read/like/reblog!

The three weeks marked on the calendar had seemed long, in the days prior to them. He’d spent those days moaning to Eugene about how difficult it would be, and how long the weeks would take to pass. 

They hadn’t felt long enough now though. 

The bedroom was done, at least, in a cheerful, soft, pastel yellow. A pastel sage green trim made the whole room feel like spring, at least to Snafu. Eugene would love it, that much he knew for sure. 

“He ain’t gonna love the rest of this though,” Snafu sighed, and took in the rest of the house as he walked through it. Eugene would be back in a day, and he had so much left to do: 

The kitchen was missing half the cabinet doors, which were outside near the shed, halfway to being refinished, varnished, and repainted a light rose pink with white accents. He had never realized just how many cabinets they had until now, and it seemed like too many.

The guest bathroom had yet to be retiled, though the tiles were sitting ready for him to put down. 

The guest bedroom was waiting to be repainted a greyish green, but he hadn’t had time to even crack the paint cans open. 

And finally, and perhaps worst, the living room was...

“A fuckin’ disaster,” Snafu muttered to himself as he walked into it, carefully. The repainting of it to a plum had gone just fine. However, a bit of paint had gotten onto the velvet chaise lounge they’d recently bought at a flea market. They were going to reupholster it anyway, why not do it now to get rid of the paint? 

Snafu shook his head at the memory of asking himself that question. From there, he’d been on a search for a nice velvet to replace the original that would also match the walls, and be to Eugene and his tastes. Easier said than done, and made all the harder at the realization that some of the wood flooring had, at some point, somehow been damaged (maybe when they’d moved in the lounge? He couldn’t be sure.) 

Which meant of course the wood flooring needed to be repaired, which was...a task, putting it mildly.

“How the hell am I gonna finish this?” Snafu asked Queen, who was preening on the leftover velvet for the lounge. 

She rolled over and turned away from him, still preening with one paw. 

“Exactly,” he sighed, then traipsed into the front hall, sitting onto the first step of the staircase to the upper level. “I just gotta make a plan, right? I mean, he might not even notice the guest room; I can paint that later. Bathroom might be an issue, but we don’t even use that bathroom that much, I can hide the tiles. And how often does anybody really look at a cabinet, like really look, ya know?” 

Queen looked over, sighed, and closed her eyes for a nap.

“Right? I don’t look at cabinet doors, that’s for sure,” Snafu continued. “So that just leaves the living room, and the living room-” 

The front door creaked open, and he just barely resisted the urge to bolt. 

“Hey! Is Eugene ba-what in the everloving...” Sidney froze in the doorway, staring at the living room mess. “So, he isn’t back yet then?” 

Snafu shook his head. “Nah, or I’d be dead.” 

“He won’t be that upset,” Sidney soothed. “I know you mentioned you were doin’ some work but...damn. Hey, nearly done though, really. Just the chair there, and the floor some, and-” 

“Most of the rest of the house,” Snafu interrupted. “I got a little ambitious.” 

“How ambitious?” Sidney asked gently, and joined Snafu on the step. 

By the time Snafu was done regaling him with everything that needed doing, Sidney had gone pale. 

“That’s maybe a little too ambitious indeed, Snaf. But, I admire it.” 

“And now you’re headin’ on home, right?” 

Sidney frowned. “Hell do you mean? I’m gonna help you get done whatever we can. We’ll call Mary, she can come by and help paint, and help you with that lounge. Between the three of us, we can get some of it done at least.” 

Snafu stared. They were friends more for Eugene’s sake, rather than to actually be friends (if anything, he got along better with Mary.) There was nothing wrong with Sidney, they just hadn’t clicked in any major way. But it was moments like this he was grateful they both put in the work to become better friends, because what was a good friend if not occasionally a home improvement knight in shining armor?

He hugged Sidney tight, until Sidney finally tried to wriggle out. “Thank you. I know he wouldn’t actually kill me-” 

“He doesn’t even like raising his voice to you,” Sidney interrupted. “Every time y’all argue, he calls me and says how bad he feels about any shouting. And I highly doubt it’s even really ‘shouting.’ But you might have earned it this time, though I would defend you.” 

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah. This was done with good intentions, to give him a nice surprise to come home too. Not your fault home improvement shit never goes right,” Sidney replied. “Come on, get up. We got a long night, and I still gotta call Mary.” 

Once Mary was over, it was shocking how fast it all seemed to go. It wasn’t that Sid and Mary rushed him or their own tasks, just that it seemed...easier. The house was warm and loud (as well as the backyard for the last few hours of daylight, while he and Sid finished up the cabinet doors, leaving them painted and drying near the back door) and with the dog and cats occasionally peeking in to check on them, it all felt lively and just good. Better than it had felt for the weeks of being empty except for himself and the pets. 

It was six in the morning when they gave up, and, and Sidney put it “had to accept it for what it was.” 

Which wasn’t terrible, all things considered. 

The last bit of the living room flooring had been fixed up, and the lounge reupholstered thanks to Mary’s endless hard work on it. 

The guest bedroom might need another coat, but it was at least mostly done, and the animals had been kept out of it so the door could be shut, keeping the paint fumes mostly confined to the hall near it. 

The guest bathroom still had some tiles to finish putting down, but it was about halfway done, and that was a hell of a lot further than Snafu had figured they’d get. 

The cabinet doors still needed to finish drying and be actually put back onto the kitchen cabinets, but they looked damn pretty. 

They cleaned up, and settled in to wait for Eugene.

And waited. 

And waited. 

And waited. 

“He would have called by now,” Snafu muttered, after four hours had passed from when Eugene was supposed to be home. “I should go down to the station, see why he isn’t in yet. Maybe he meant for me to pick him up and forgot to say...” 

Sidney shook his head. “That ain’t Eugene. He has a checklist for his checklists; he would have told you. At least four times.” 

Mary nodded. “Do you have a number you can call him at? Maybe his train got delayed and he’s still at his hotel in, where was it again he was going?” 

“Atlanta,” Snafu replied, and walked to the phone with them and three of the cats on his heels. 

He wasn’t at the hotel, nor at the train station in Atlanta. Nor was he at the train station in Mobile, waiting to be picked up. 

“Merriell, don’t panic,” Sidney said softly as they walked back to the couch, and Sid using his proper name was enough to send him spiraling. 

“What if he’s hurt, what if something happened? I should have just gone with him, y’all could have looked after the pets, and I could have found somethin’ to do in Atlanta while he was busy. This is my fault.” 

“How on earth is this your fault?” Mary asked. “I’m sure he’s just fine, probably just...held up, somehow. Who knows, maybe he just can’t catch a cab to the station.”

“For four hours?” Sidney scoffed, then winced as Mary slapped his arm. “I mean yeah. You never know. Could be a cab driver shortage...” 

He expected them to leave, but they stayed even as the day wore on into the evening. Mary eventually got up to check on the paint in the guest room, and when she didn’t return, Snafu figured it was dry enough for the final coat. Sid followed shortly after in getting up, and the sound of the back door opening and closing let him know that the cabinet doors were apparently ready to be put back in place. 

Meanwhile, he waited and watched the phone. 

“Snaf, I’m sure he’s fine,” Sidney said as they finally slipped on their shoes and retrieved their keys from the front hall table. “Somethin’ silly just held him up, and he’ll be rushing in here before you know it. Let yourself get some sleep, okay?” 

Mary nodded, and turned to the door, only to nearly be smacked in the face by it as it swung open.

“I am so sorry,” Eugene was a mess, hair clearly unbrushed, clothes wrinkled, and eyes wild. “Are you okay? Why are you two here? I mean, I don’t mean that like; you just don’t live here is what I mean-” 

“Gene,” Sidney said gently. “Shut the fuck up and breathe for a minute. What happened?” 

Eugene sighed, kicked off his shoes, and moved past them to drop on the newly upholstered chaise lounge. “Snaf, it’s for you. Got it sitting outside. It’s wrapped up, but take a look. Hopefully you like it, and then we can bring it inside. Thought we could hang it in here, on the-did you paint in here?” 

Snafu ignored Sidney’s face-palm and Mary’s shaking head as he headed outside. Just by the front door, was a too-big-for-one-person-to-carry framed canvas, bits of the golden colored frame sticking out from under the brown paper wrapping. And under the paper...

“Those are our babies!” Snafu crowed, and ran back inside, nearly knocked the lounge back as he dropped onto it to hug Eugene. “You had to have commissioned that ages ago, to get them pictures of the cats and God knows how you got a decent one of Ack-Ack, and when did you do that?” 

“Soon as they mentioned they might need me to travel,” Eugene replied. “Called around, found a local artist, sent the pictures along in the mail whenever I got a chance that you weren’t paying attention. Thought it would be a way to make up for me being gone, but gettin’ that thing in and off of a train was something else, and then they nearly didn’t want to let me on, and-” 

Eugene shrugged. “But I made it. And it made it. You like it?” 

“I love it!” he buried his face in Eugene’s shoulder, hugging him tight again and taking in everything about him again, how he felt, the scent of his cologne. “But you better not be goin’ anywhere for awhile regardless. I can tell you later, but I-” 

“You two are absolutely meant for each other,” Sidney laughed. “You with the picture, and this fool...he redid half the damn house while you were gone. With our help, though we were happy to do it. That lounge you’re sittin’ on?” 

Eugene looked down at it as he moved out of Snafu’s embrace as if he was seeing it for the first time. “This wasn’t green velvet when I left.” 

“No, no it wasn’t,” Mary smiled. “But it is now! And wait’ll you see the rest of it, he worked hard. Ran out of time, but he worked hard.” 

“How much did you try to do in three weeks?” Eugene laughed, though his smile drooped slightly as not one of the three of them answered.

“Tell you what,” Snafu replied after a moment. “We get that painting inside, hung up, and have dinner. And then I’ll tell you all what I did, and how I owe our Sid and Mary a very big favor for it, starting with a late dinner tonight if you both want to stay.” 

“...Everything is one piece, right?” 

“Except for the tile of the guest bathroom, yes,” Sid interjected. “And if you’ll have us, we’d be happy to stay. Can get that last bit of tiling done with Snaf before we go.”

“I like it! And we’ll have a bit of wine to celebrate your being home,” Snafu said to Eugene, and kissed him before hopping off the lounge and towards the kitchen. “In fact, wine first, picture hanging, then dinner, then tiling?” 

“Sounds like a dangerous combination,” Eugene said. “But why not, if we’re celebrating. How badly can it turn out?” 

Two bottles of wine between them all, and the rest of the night later, they managed to get the picture inside and resting safely against a wall in the front hall, and the guest bathroom was left mercifully untouched by any drunken work. 

Despite it, Snafu had never been happier. Eugene was home, there was good food, good wine, good friends, a gorgeous gift, and the house looked lovely. He couldn’t ask for more.